This Is Fact, Not Fiction

Dear Valerie,

In response to your comment below, I would just like everyone to know that I wasn't "burnt" in anyway. That blog post was merely for amusement, and had nothing to do with my current situation...and did not mention what it was. You would have to know me, if you did. (I like using pseudonyms too!) Just please tell it to my face, rather than announcing to the world that I was burnt...(stole my thunder, girl! Jokes!). It's brilliant, but some parts are wrong about what's going in my life.

My situation isn't something that I was hoping for when I first met Harvey. I thought he was single, but all along he wasn't. Mmm girl he played ya. Or Valerie, in your words I was "burnt". If he did (or not) play me, I was also a perpetrator. We were NEVER in a relationship. We were, at the time I found out, friends. And that's what he still is to me, even now...and nothing's going to change.

People have to learn how to let go and not stick back and watch their lives burning down to bits. You have learn how to improvise the bitch of a slap that life gives you. And I'm not justifying his actions, at all. He was wrong. I was wrong. But in reality, we have to make do. We need to look how to improve ourselves. This blog is here to help girls to improve themselves, by not some "perfect" bitch who is the relationship guru...I'm just like all of you. I learn things from my mistakes and sometimes, I don't follow my own advice, ladies. But I do at least try. We're here to help each other, not to tell people "I told you so". I give you my blog, I get your emails/comments and I appreciate them alot...and we work together in order to improve. They help me out a lot too. When we help each other, we help ourselves. And the biggest obstacle is to admit that you were wrong, and ladies, I was wrong about Harvey. Not in liking him or even him liking me. I was wrong in thinking that he was going to be mine, because from the start he never was. And no, I don't regret liking him. To me, I never regret anything, I always look at it in a way that would benefit me. Mistakes are what build character, and owning up to them is one of the hardest things to overcome.

Even if he did like me, even if he did have a girlfriend--- I'm not pursuing him anymore. It's wrong and it makes you feel like shit when you interfere with someone else's happiness. Though, I know it's not like he's married, I will stay by his side as a friend (with some feelings left for him). He's helped me out a lot. And there was never a break-up, because there was nothing to break -- it only implied a continuation of a friendship. The "Pursuit of Harveyness" is not over, in a sense that I'm pursuing him for a relationship. All I want is nothing but a friendship. And I have that now, I'm glad I do. My feelings will remain the same, but I'm sure that I'll move on. I've moved on before and I'm capable of doing it again.

So Valerie, I really appreciate your concern and the best wishes. Thank you! I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but will be more willing to help other people with theirs. For now, living life with an open-mind and open-heart is not a plan, but a decision I am so willing to make.

Move on. It's just a chapter in the PAST. But don't CLOSE THE BOOK. TURN THE PAGE. 

~ Anonymous.

Lots of Love y'all,

V

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

It's post-break up. There you are, sitting on the couch, tears in your eyes, a tub of Ben & Jerry's in one hand and a spoon in the other, while Adele's Someone Like You (on repeat) plays in the background. You're upset. You question why he broke up with you, all of a fucking sudden. Was it another chick that took his heart away? Did you do something wrong? Or was there not enough chemistry between you two? Who knows what his reasons were. He should have explained when he broke up with you. Don't ever try to figure it out yourself. If you want to find out, then ask. I know it'll be a little awkward, but you never want that heart-wrenching question tugging your mind every-now-and-then. But you know that you'll get over it, because you're better than that. I know you can do it. If anything, it's more than possible.

BUT ladies, I'm not here to tell you that you can do it. There are some of us who don't get over break-ups. There are some of us who are in denial. There are some of us who think that he's still secretly in love with us, and he knows it. Yes, there are people who live in destitution. It does sound scary, but when a girl falls in love, there are times when she's very reluctant let go. I want to tell you some of the extremes that girls go through to get their man back, though sometimes successful, it will totally scare the shit out of you and me.

STALKING. One of the many things tactics that girls do, when in denial. After a relationship, you know a lot about a guy: where he works, his favorite hangouts, maybe where his buddies live, his parents house, and of his humble abode (sometimes could count as his parents house). Now, the ex-boyfriend stalkers typically corner their former men in these specific places, sometimes scaring the shit out of them. Especially, when she's EVERYWHERE. There will be times when she makes things awkward, when she pulls small-talk. Or there are times, when she watches him from a distance. Sometimes, it's not obvious, because some girls, as crafty as they are, will bring their friends along (without them knowing of her intent). What's the logic, you say? Well look at this way, remember that cliche of a saying: distance makes the heart grow fonder? Well, girls think that maybe after a long time of not seeing someone, the guy will suddenly see her everywhere and maybe his old feelings will resurface...but in most cases (unless you're in a chick-flick), stunts like that won't bring them back.

LIES. LIES. LIES. (and more LIES.) Yes, making up insane stories about your current living conditions, is one of the many ways girls think they can get their guy back. It's a matter of telling them a heart-wrenching story about you, and hoping for the best. Some guys have gotten pregnancy scares, a death of a family member, becoming terminally ill with some incurable disease. Some are quite worse than the aforementioned...some girls tell the craziest shit, as if it was coming in from a movie. Hey, we're the pretty crafty sex, when it comes to story-telling. Again, what's the reason for their thinking? Come to think of it, the girl wants attention, she wants someone to care for her again. But they don't really think of the end results? What do I mean? I mean, when the truth comes out. What if your "deceased" mother appears at a family function? Or what if you're apparent "six months to live" is up and the guy wants an explanation? Telling a lie, is far worse than telling the truth. The more you prolong that, the more he will get hurt. And from then on, if something bad happens in your life, he won't ever believe you, even if it was true.

PRETENDING THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP ISN'T OVER. Apart from the lies, this one is the worst. Some girls make themselves believe that it still isn't over. To them, they're still in a relationship. And they tell everyone that they're still together. The guy doesn't have to be in her life, for this to work. He's just on a "break" from this relationship, and he will come back. It's all a matter of pretending that he's still in your life....even though, he actually isn't.

No matter how you cope with your break-up, we all feel the same way when that moment actually happens. Some girls take it easy, some girls...not so much. Just so you girls know, you've always got girlfriends to lend you a shoulder to cry on (just don't abuse it). I know, it sucks to be alone, when for the most part, you had someone by your side for so long. Everyone knows that there's got to be some point in time when you're going to get hurt, even without knowing it. Just enjoy what you had, and move on, even it takes baby steps. Just remember, when you're in denial, you're invading the guys privacy. He could be the biggest jerk of life or he could be having a hard time with the break up too. Just don't forget that you got to move on. Don't ever regret things, because they make you who you are today. Moving on, is easier said than done, but you're bound to find another guy who is willing to love you even more! And the first step to getting one? Moving on...

Much love, 

V 

Have Yourself Another Dream Tonight

I'm going to try something new. Instead of ranting, I would just like to address a few things through a letter. To whom? To the broken-hearted girl/guy. So here it goes....

To the Broken-Hearted,

 I know it's over, right? You felt like you were living life in full throttle and that there was no going downhill from there. Your whole existence was dedicated to living with this wonderful person you've found or had found you. And you know, being in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world. You feel invincible, like nothing is going to bring you down, because you found this amazing human being. In your world, the impossible just became the possible. You found your little piece of heaven in this world of chaos. You found the person that you could potentially spend the all of your life with. And all your friends are so jealous about this new-found happiness. They always tell you how lucky you are to have this person and to call them yours. You have the single people sneering at you, because they want the same thing, they want what you have and for some reason, in your mind, you seem to be the only person to have him/her. We live in this world where we constantly adjust our lifestyles to what people want us to have, but this individual fell in love with YOU and that's when your self-confidence boosts. This experience is so life-changing that you feel like a new person. 

And then it hits you...or you hit it. The brick wall in the relationship. The fork in the road. Where you must decide whether or not it's the right thing...you and that person. Your significant other could hit this path before you do. Here you are at one point in time, where you're dissecting this relationship...and you could either break through this wall and forget that you didn't even hit it...or you could just stop there. There, your version of paradise is over. Your world crashes. And the last thing you want to hear from that person that you told everything, that you gave your whole life to, is that they never loved you. Or it could be vice versa. You're numbed by the fact, that all this time was wasted. Sometimes you're in denial. Sure, the relationship didn't work out. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wasn't for you. Maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe it lacked the chemistry. Whatever it is, just know, cherish memories both good and bad. If you're in denial that it's over, you're living in this dream world where one day he's going to realize that he's missing out. It could be true. But he could've moved on already. For those assholes, who had no reason to break up with their significant other, who just did it for the sake of it...you just took that person for granted. People shouldn't be at your disposal, because once it happens to you, you'll realize how it feels to feel like shit.

Please make sure they don't come running back into your arms. Don't make it easy for them. Show them that the hell that they put you through made you a better person. I know that the tears, the temper tantrums, the random outbursts, the self-hate that person brought about after they ruined your life, were hard to forget. And even if you've survived your life without them,  there will be a point in time where you two will meet again. And there will be a point in time, where you'll question if it was right to put them aside. And there will be a point in time, where you want them back, where you go weak in the knees...where you want to go crawling back to them. What your after  is not actually them...it's that happiness that they put you through. But you know what I've learned? It's in the past and once a scar has appeared, it can never be erased. No matter how much anti-scarring ointment you put on it...it's still there.

Here's my theory, once you experience falling in love, then heartbreak, you always keep that memory of happiness and you spend the rest of your life trying to find the exact same thing. Well, I say break away. Keep the past in the past. Because once you find the next person, you'll experience happiness two times harder than before. So look forward to the future. It's going to be much happier. The next person is even more special than the last...he/she carried you out from all the sorrow you've experienced from your previous relationship. 

Or it could be a different scenario. It could turn out that this brick wall, is just one obstacle that you have to face in your relationship and that maybe it will take time to heal. Maybe it wasn't the right time for either of you. But if that's the case, there's no excuse for you to look forward to the future. 

I know it's going to be a hard first few months. But it's going to get better, if you believe that it will. 

Lots of Love, 

V 

*****Dedicated******To all my friends, readers, who have experienced heartbreak...you're not alone.

The Person Falling Here Is Me

Standards. We all have them. Both sides have different standards. And this is what I was talking about with Harvey yesterday. You are probably saying, this bitch hasn't even been on her blog for a long time and hasn't even given us anything since I don't know, June? And now she's telling us about standards? First off, I would like to apologize. Life has just happened, people. I'm not the best blogger in the world, I know! Lately, I've been working on finding myself. Sounds trivial, right? But I've just been living life without thinking of what to say, what kind of person I have to be. Because you know what I realized? If we all live in this magical world of pretending, we're never going to find that person that we want to end up with for the rest of our lives. We will find ourselves the person that the pretend you wanted, not the real you. And what's the point? You won't find happiness there. You will at first, but life-long happiness is very rare. It really is.

And here I am. Living life as me. Not someone from a chick-flick or some Jane Austen novel. I'm happy and Harvey is still here in my life. And yes, we were talking about standards. And no, we're still not together (I know, right). But you know what? I'm happy where I am, even though, I want this guy so bad, I'm afraid of losing this relationship that we have now if I tell him my true feelings for him. So what were these standards? Well to be honest, Harvey didn't talk about his standards, he just listened to mine. I was just saying that my standards are not high, but not low, mind you. I explained that chick flicks fuck up a girl's mind...even chick lit...I mean, who doesn't want Mr. Darcy? Because I do. But realistically, I know, we won't find Mr. Darcy, but we'll find someone close to it. Did you know what I really needed to say to him? My standard is you. You're perfect, in my way. You're my version of a Mr. Darcy or a Rochester. Actually, you're better than any of those guys there. But of course, the sad and proud person I am, I didn't say it. I really wanted to. It was killing me inside. So now I'm here blogging about it, but I honestly do miss this. Please my dear readers, keep reading. I'm not giving up on blogging, nor am I giving up on being a hopeless romantic and never on Harvey...please bare with me! I will write soon, promise. 

LOL, 

V

Marching On

"Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about." - Anonymous

Don't ever let that one person who broke your heart years ago stop you from pursuing someone you want to date. Don't punish yourself for something that wasn't your fault. If you keep up with that, reality is, you will find yourself alone. Just let go of the past, no matter how hard it is to forget, the only way to find a guy is to completely start anew. Don't compare your ex to the new guy in your life, that just means you haven't let go yet. Trust me, it won't help you at all. Wipe the slate clean, ladies!

Lots of love,

V

The Answer Is Blowin' In The Wind

"The bravest thing that men do is love women." - Mort Sahl

How many strikes does it take for a strike out? For all the avid baseball fans, three. But for the obsessive fans of jackasses, it takes more than three strikes to ditch the guy. And you know what? It pisses me off to see many girls go through that cycle of falling for a guy, who refuses to even love them back. The countless times, he comes into our minds, and sometimes, you wonder: does he ever think of me like that, the way I do? And chances are, he's not. As hurtful as it does sound, jackasses will always be jackasses. Just like bitches will always be bitches. It's sad to see, especially when it's happening to one of your fellow girl friends and though, advice has been given, she has not gone through with the plans of ditching him. It hurts me to see the struggle that she goes through and that you've done your job, so there's nothing else that you could do. You told her the truth, but it's totally up to her to act upon it.

It's not that guys don't realize that we like them. They know, they play with our hearts and our minds until we totally reject our friends' values and advice and we go with what we think we know. I'm not telling you guys are evil creatures and should be exterminated. Without guys, life wouldn't be much fun, would it? I mean, they make life thrilling. Girls do it to guys too! The problem is that when we fall for someone, we tend to forget everything around us. All the important people, things that we treasured before, all for this one person. Usually, it's rare, that this person is right for you. The right person, won't ever let this happen to you. If he loved you, then he would never take anything away from you that is important. Instead, he will put his full trust in what you do and what you love. But where do we find these people that won't hurt you?

You don't have to search far. The problem with girls these days is that we are looking for a person who is so surreal that we come to the point where they believe that this person is unattainable. But the reality is, that person could be standing in front of you. Waiting. Loving you for who you are. Remembering the little things you tell him. Simply making you smile. Lending a helping hand when you need it. And most importantly, ready to defend you at all times, making sure that no one will hurt you. They will always be there for you. But you tend to not see them in that sense, because you're busy lusting over someone else. Yes, it's lust, girlfriend. A one-sided relationship is simply just lust. And unfortunately, we take these people for granted. We fail to realize the valuable loyalty that they have for us and they, just like all those perfect guys, slowly disappear. Think about it, rejecting a guy for being all that, could make him a jackass to all those other girls, because you didn't pay attention to him. So maybe, jackasses have a reason (not all of them, though) to be a jackass.

My advice: Pay attention to yourself first. Love yourself. Be confident. Then your eyes will open to the one you want. Because if you don't respect yourself, first, then the person won't respect you back. I'm sure you all are wonderful people and deserve the best. Don't lose hope. The right person is in front of you, begging for the moment for you to realize the truth. The right person is not the person who is willing to give you the world to please you, they are the ones who will just hold your hand through thick and thin or who will just smile at you, to tell you that they are there for you and only you. Just one small thing, will become a lifetime of happiness.

To All the Perfect Men All Over The World: Don't be afraid, we won't bite. Don't be shy, please. Go get her, tiger! Don't take rejection as a blow to your self-esteem, take it to find confidence.

Lots of Love,

V

P.s. Again, I'm sorry for the long wait. More to come, I promise. My blogging days are not numbered!

Hellooo There

NEW POST?! No! I am currently writing a blog post, but have been so busy/exhausted with work (and life) that it has been physically impossible! Please keep calm, my blogging career is not OVER, I assure, it's been stalled, and I've already got people upset...I know, I'm a shame to this blogging world. Again, please continue to email me! I would love to hear your feedback and stories...even if it's for some personal advice. Again my email address is askmevie@gmail.com

You will definitely hear from me soon!

LOTS OF LOVEEE,
V

For the Sake of Humanity, Get a Room

Caresses, expressions of one sort or another, are necessary to the life of the affections as leaves are to the life of the affections are to the life of a tree. If they are wholly restrained, love will die at the roots. ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

Yes Mr. Hawthorne, that may be true. Caresses, they feel good, but does it look pleasing to the eye from a third party's perspective? What I'm talking about here isn't just a spontaneous caressing session here...I'm talking about full out caressing--not caressing, just any type of PDA, as a matter of fact.

Today, while I was waiting for the bus (why do interesting things happen on the bus?) and a couple caught my eye. They were pecking at each other as if the guy was leaving for the army and she was staying home with the family. And I was like, "Aw isn't that sweet?" Where was my anger, you say? I thought you were hating on the PDA. Yeah, but PDA ain't that bad, it's good here and there, but not everywhere you go. I'm not talking about holding hands, I'm talking about kissing (not even making out), yes, just kissing. So, as I was saying, couple kissing as if it was the end of the world. I thought it was cute, because they were inseparable, and I wished I had that with someone. BUT then it happened, as I boarded the bus, so did they, yes I said they. No it wasn't just one, it was both. And I was like WTF? Are you kidding me? It was cute, but then it started getting nasty. And of course, they had to sit in front of me, so I could share their moments of love. And boy, did I just die. It was honestly, twenty minutes of sucking face for them and throwing up in my mouth. I looked around if I wasn't the only one barfing and I just felt bad for the girl sitting beside them, innocently listening to her iPod. Luckily, the girl (not the one listening to the iPod) took out an unfinished crossword puzzle and the guy was just looking out the window. But, that didn't work out either, as the girl got stuck on a clue. And of course, they went at it again, pecking at each other. Like just randomly, they would do it. It was just weird to look at it. After they asked each other questions or after she texted someone. They just gave each other that look and just kissed each other. Sounds cute, right? But to me, it just looked like some form of turrets-inspired pecking sessions.

Public Display of Affection. It's everywhere. Wherever you are there's a couple holding hands, doing their thing. And I'm fine with that. I'm totally fine with the subtle, simplistic things that couples do, that's what I like. And the occasional pecking on the cheek or on the lips, but not every second. Wouldn't you just get tired of it? Every second and every minute, there's someone breathing and slobbering all over you, it's making me cringe, as we speak. Isn't it better to expect the unexpected? Like getting a kiss out of the blue or as you walk, he suddenly grasps your hand and you just look at each other and smile. Isn't that better? Love, like public display of affection, should come unexpectedly, it should just happen naturally. It shouldn't become a ritual or else it becomes less special. And plus, it's not fun for other people to look at. Good thing, there weren't children around. So, if you're thinking of PDAing with your special someone, don't think, just let it happen...or get a room.

Lots of Love,

V The World

Your Turn!

Prior all of this Harvey shinnanigans, I wanted people to email me what kinds of situations you are going through and maybe give you guys advice. I'm here to lend you a helping hand or give you feedback. Just email me at askmevie@gmail.com and I'll post your questions or maybe your love stories on my blog. Show me some love!

Lots of Love,

V

How Can I Love You, If You Don't Talk to Me?

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."

~Mary, He's Just Not That Into You

I know, it's typical of me to put up a quote from a chick-flick that is my life-story, but hey, I only write about things that are true. It is easy to contact people these days, with all those social networking tools. With the press of the "Add" button, you could easily add the guy you kinda know , but you kinda don't. Or with the press of the "Send" button, you could send the guy a prospective chill session. And while we're dying in the corner waiting for him to respond, we justify his ignorance on our requests. Whatever happened to face-to-face interaction? Well, the most obvious reason is that it leads to shit-your-pants-situations definite answers, rather than justifying on why he never responded to that BBM you sent or the friend request that has been pending for months days. We name countless possibilities on why he hasn't responded. Maybe he was kidnapped and taken hostage. Maybe he fell into a hole into this new universe. Sometimes you wish that maybe you hadn't sent it at all. Or sometimes you actually wish that YOU fell into a hole and disappeared from the humiliation. It takes confidence to social network with others, but you know what's even scarier? Face-to-face interaction.

He's right there and you're talking to him. You're looking into his eyes, then to his sexy mouth, wishing that you could kiss them. You're asking him questions and he fires the answers. That's what you get, you get the answers to the questions, right away. Without dying in a corner or wishing that you fell from the face of the earth. And the more you talk to each other, the easier it will be to message him or add him on Facebook. This is probably why, talking to a guy in person is so much harder, than messaging him. However, there are some guys/girls who gain confidence behind the screen. Sometimes, you wonder, are they legit like that in person? He could tell you the utmost sweetest thing, but what's missing? His eyes, telling you the truth. Someone once said that the eyes are the key to the soul and they're the only way to know whether or not a person is telling the truth. Behind the screen you can't see...with the exception of Skype (ok, you got me), but still!

Face-to-face interaction is one of the best ways to communicate with a guy. Just seeing him and talking to him, makes you like (or hate) him more. You know if he's actually smiling/laughing rather than just LOLing or just LMFAOing. And you're not falling for the guy behind the screen, you're falling for the guy in front of you and for having the confidence to talk to you face-to-face. For my fellow readers out there, kudos to you to those who do it. I need to do it more often!

Lots of Love,

V

P.S. Sorry for the slacking, I've been busy!

You Make Me Smile

"You know when you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."  ~ Dr. Seuss

First of all, I'd like to thank all my friends, who have supported my "Pursuit of Happyness Harveyness." I am so thankful that I have met the most wonderful human beings on this planet. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! And also, if you ever need anything, just know that I am always here for you. A big shout out to pineapple --thank you for your comment, I really needed that eye-opener. You are one wise guy. I really appreciate and it helped me alot. And I'd like you all to know that I've done it --I asked him to dinner (with the help of my friends), wasn't expecting it to happen that day, but it did happen. What did he say? He said, yes, and to be honest with you, that's all that really mattered. I am one happy girl right now! Thank you all, you made this happen, I could not have done it without you guys, I know you are probably tired of me asking about countless observations and spending coffee dates dedicated to talking about Harvey..I'm sorry I put you through that. But I'm here now, I'm in the place where I want to be.

For the past few years of my life, I have experienced everything, but love. My family life was the best, and in a moment, everything fell through. That's when I stopped believing in love. The people that I had thought loved me, betrayed me and my family. I know it's long past, but you can never let those things go, even if all is forgiven. It ruined my childhood, but I'm better than I could ever be. I'm wiser, smarter and stronger. Sometimes, you give love to the wrong people, who don't deserve it. And you make a fool of yourself. But then I saw hope, I saw it in my family--just me, my parents and my siblings. I realized you didn't need to have anything big in life, it's what's in front of you. And that moment, brought me to believe in love once again. I've learned that love is like believing in God. You don't have to be religious to believe in love. Love is not a religion. It's something that could bring us together or even make our lives a living hell. It's there, waiting for the right moment to pounce. Love knows no boundaries. And like a child believing in Santa Claus, I live believing and hoping in love. I know it's everywhere. You don't have to see it to believe it, you feel it.

That's why I've become a hopeless romantic. I didn't see it before. I was looking for a guy 24/7. I thought I needed a guy to contribute to my happiness. But in reality, I wanted to hear an "I love you." To do coupley things--just like everyone else. But who needs an "I love you" that doesn't mean anything? I was looking at the big picture, I had to snap out of it. So I took the NO GUY OATH and stopped looking for a guy. AND BOOM! Look where it's got me, life's led me to Harvey. Ladies (and gents), just stop looking, the person who will make you smile, is right in front of you.

Lots of Love,

V

I've Got To Start To Open My Heart

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

Ok, so here I am writing blog posts on my friends, and you're probably wondering...What the fuck is going on with V? Or at least I'm hoping you are. So, am I going to answer your question (that I'm hoping that you'd ask)? Is there anything going on with me? Nope. Well, not in a sense. There are little things, but I have been so nervous to ask Harvey out and I'm too much of a pessimist to do so. I really want to, you don't even know...of course, the fear of rejection is an excuse, but it's not a reason. He likes me, I know it. And if you're asking me how, I don't find it necessary to prove it to you. I know, because I just do. The way he treats me, the way he remembers the littlest things from conversations that have long passed, the way he would inch closer every time he stands next to me...And I find that I always have to provide proof of why I like someone or why I know he likes me. I know that these little tid-bits of Harvey might not even be proof, but it's proof to me. I really like him, I  really do. There's no doubt about it. It just sucks, because there's me, talking to him and inside, I'm overwhelmed with emotions. I want him, but I'm stuck in this rut. I want to say something, but I can't.

What's my problem, then? Why don't I ask him out? All girls, like me and you, have that longing to be asked out by a guy. Why? It's probably because of all those chick-flicks that we've been watching. We dream of some hot version of Bradley Cooper walking into our lives and eventually asking us out. And for those who say, "I don't care who asks who out first.", you really do care. Of course, everyone wants a guy to ask us out. It's what boosts our confidence and it's proof that he really is in to us. But hey, the guy might be shy and we can't expect everything to go our way, so there are cases where we have to man up ourselves. So, I don't know, we'll see where Harvey and I go. I'll ask him out, but that, hopefully, won't be the end of our story...and no, I'm not expecting a fairy tale ending...just me and him holding hands, overwhelmed with smiles. I'm not expecting much, but to say that Harvey is mine, is one hell-of-a-victory.

Lots of Love,

V

Don't Give the Ghost Up, Just Clench Your Fists

You are head-over-heels for this one guy and you know that he likes you too, BUT he’s head-over-heels for something else. Nope, it’s not his crazed ex-girlfriend or his mother, you know what it is? It’s his job. And it’s a job that doesn’t involve wearing a suit and tie, or working in one of those exclusive buildings. No, it’s a job where he’s outside, saving people’s lives. Where’s he getting his hands dirty and where the lives of others are in his hands. Ok ladies, being Spiderman is not a career, not unless you’re Tobey Maguire. He’s someone who we take for granted every day, who risks their lives for YOU and run into burning buildings, with nothing but protective gear and a helmet. Yes, ladies, what I’m talking about today is a fire-fighter and why it’s a risk worth taking to bring him into your life.

No worries, it’s not me or Harvey that I’ll be talking to you about today. It’s about my friend Van, who really likes this guy who is in love with his job. And yes, he is a fire-fighter. Great, right? He’s well-built to carry you, he's heroic, he’s beautiful to look at, and maybe, he’s in that calendar that you own. But despite all of that, there’s one flaw. He’s out there, saving people’s lives, while you’re living life every day, as if one phone call could change your life, forever. You’re taking a risk liking him, because he’s taking a risk saving people. Is it because we don’t want to get hurt, if something bad happens to him? Isn’t that selfish, though? These are some of the questions that were pointed out by Van, to me, about liking someone like, this guy. You know what, I do find it somewhat selfish, but not to the point. Nobody wants to get hurt in a relationship, even if the guy is not a dick, he just loves his job. It’s a defence mechanism that is wired into everyone. We just don’t want to be alone, that’s why we’re trying not to like this guy. But you know what? Though I do find this some risky business, haven’t you thought about it on his side? Every time he’s out at his job, he’s thinking of YOU. He’s going to do the best he can to make this relationship work out. If he loves you, he would be doing the best he can to stay alive, just to see you again. He may be tough and buff, but inside, he cares for you and only you. Life’s about taking risks, but without them, life’s not the same. Take risks, like he’s taking risks out there. Take it from the leading ladies from all those comic books, nothing stopped them for loving their supermen, even if their lives were in danger. That’s what loving someone does to you, you’re willing to do anything (not anything stupid, though) for this one guy and you don’t care, just as long as he’s yours. Don’t move forward and regret giving him a chance. Give him one, Van, it’s the least you could do, while he’s out there fighting fires. I know how you feel, when you say that you're jealous of the whole world, because that's his first priority. And I know that you feel as though, you'd have to start a fire to catch his attention, but from what I see, all you have to do is let him into your life. He’s a life saver, but he’s also human and he needs someone there for him and I know you’re even capable of saving his life, because you’re worthwhile!

Lots of Love,


V

I'm Not Your Toy

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

How many strikes does it take to realize that the guy in front of you is a complete jackass? One? Two? Or three? Sometimes, when you experience pain, you realize things. You become more aware. You're stronger. But sometimes, things don't happen that way. There's times when you set yourself for your own demise. You say that you attract the assholes and you do. You accepted it. But what if...you stopped to think for a bit. Why do I have to go through the same thing again? Why would I do that to myself? My friend, CC has experienced a shit load of guys, who were probably the biggest assholes on earth. They were guys who would lead you on. Disappear. Then reappear with a different girl in their arms. And you know what? It's not fair for, CC. People like her, deserve the best. She's beautiful inside and out. Who wouldn't want that?

See guys...are probably going to be the biggest obstacles in our lives. They have the ability to change our lives and in a second, they have the ability to ruin it. They have the ability to make us doubt ourselves. To question whether or not we're beautiful, fun, or good enough. They're just that life-changing it's fucking crazy. They occupy our heads for so long. We even picture ourselves on the first date. And then what? He totally blind-sides you and tells you, that he needs to see where he is in life first. In other words, I only wanted to play. But we keep justifying these assholes and stand up for them. We put our fucking trust in them. And we totally fuck ourselves over. And we never stop to think...we just do it.

But what I want you ladies to take away from this is, just to stop and think. Think about yourself. Just like CC, she did it. And I am so proud, you don't even know. She could've kept going, but she didn't. She realized things, before it was too late. Never do things for the guy's sake. It always has to be about you. You have to feel happy. You have to feel loved. Appreciated. Not just someone who is there at their disposal. One more aware girl means, one less broken-hearted girl. So, if you're ever after a guy who you know is an asshole...hit the pause button and think for yourself. Don't do anything for him. It's your story. It's no one else's. Trust me, it'll only go so far if everything you did was for him.


Lots of Love,

V

If you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to.

So my bowling event...what happened? I want to be honest with you all. Nothing happened. At least, I thought so at first. Then I realized how much I failed. So Harvey, the shy guy that he is subtly hinted to go out before he left. My friends and I were telling him to come with us to this Vietnamese restaurant, but the perfect guy that he was, he had to go see his family. Though, he was a little upset and was about to change his mind. But then he actually had to leave. So, he and I were all alone. And he was like, “I’ve never tried Vietnamese food. Does it taste good?” And this is where I ultimately fail. Now ladies, I know, I’m the one telling Y’ALL about relationships. But I wasn’t thinking. I was in so much shock and awe that he actually came to bowling. So, what do you say was my response? Let me just put in block quotes so you don’t make the same mistake that I did, next time a guy asks you that question,

“Yeah, it’s good. YOU SHOULD TRY IT.”

What the fuck, V? In my head, I was like, fuck you blew it. My sister was saying that’s just like someone saying hello to you and you saying goodbye to them, right after. But I still have a chance to make up for it. He’s someone that I don’t ever want to let go. There’s just something about this guy that makes me want him more. And ladies, I’m not kidding. I’m biting my lips and smiling, as we speak. I could have never imagined finding someone like this, after all the assholes that I’ve encountered in the past. I think that when I stopped looking for someone, Fate just totally brought him to me. It’s like a breath of fresh air. I’ve never felt so alive and happy. I want all of you to take something from this. And I know I sound pathetic there and that I’m a total hypocrite with getting angry at people saying mushy things about someone, but when you actually encounter this kind of person, you’ll change your mind.

We shouldn’t be expecting that every guy we see is someone that we want to date. We need to stop looking and stop waiting. We just need to focus on ourselves, first. All those assholes in your lives don’t deserve a wonderful person like you. If you think that he’s going to treat you with respect, after he’s treated you like shit, you’re on your own. Guys like that, are horrible people and they won’t change for you, just because you give them an ultimatum. It’s not YOU. It’s H-I-M. Don’t hurt yourself trying to ask questions on why he would leave you hanging like that. It’s not your fault. It’s his. He’s the one that’s not taking chances here. You’re willing to give your heart to him and you’ll do anything for him, just to hear an “I love you.” But he won’t do the same, for you. It’s a one-sided thing and it’s not right. If you’re stuck in a rut, do what my amazing friend did and just let him go. She did. It hurt, but she did and I’m so proud of her. Instead of expecting assholes, I ask you, just don’t think about it. Keep an open mind. The right guy will come to you, when you least expect it. My mom said once,

“Love’s like death, you never know when it’s going to hit you, but it eventually will.”

Let’s just hope you don’t hit both at the same time!!

Lots of Love,

V

Matters of the Heart

Have you ever attempted to tackle to answer that question that is almost as important as “what’s my purpose in life?” You probably have. I know I have. I know, quit playing games, it’s time to tell you what the hell I was talking about. Love. What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me. I’ve got a few ideas, coming from some observations that I’ve faced with this full-fledged emotion. From my point, love’s not what it’s all cracked up to be. It’s not the butterflies in the stomach. It’s not blinding. Those are just symptoms (that also could be very misleading). Love’s something totally different. It’s something simple. Not something that came out of Twilight a fairy tale. Love is something that has its up and downs. It can’t be forced upon. Love just happens. And it's definitely not a one-sided thing—that would be infatuation.

Today, I was waiting for the bus and this girl came up to me and she started talking to me. We talked as if we were old friends that bumped to each other and were just catching up. She was nice. She told me that she had recently been dumped by her boyfriend of three years. I asked her how recent. She said, “Feb 23rd.” Today’s, March 2nd. I couldn’t believe it, how could someone handle it so calmly. It didn’t seem like it at all, she seemed so happy and outgoing. I know that three years is a lot of time to spend with one person, but just imagine ten or twenty or better yet, fifty. It just got me thinking, as a couple, you’re always in danger of breaking up. No matter how much you think it impossible, it’s possible. She saw that it was coming, but why wait for the blow when you could just end it when you realize that he’s not the one? She said she “loved him,” but why love someone who doesn’t love you back? To me, that’s not love at all. All these questions rushed into mind as she told me about her situation. I don’t ever want to live in a one-sided relationship where I’m the one trying hard to keep the relationship together. We need to be in a relationship where it’s balanced.


Today, we see so many instances of break-ups or cruel divorces and this is all part of our society. That’s what we all fear. Everyone says that it’s because our lifespan is long and we’re not used to sticking around with one person for forty years. Or that explanation that man is naturally a polygamist. How could we explain those couples who’ve lasted sixty years? Sure those sixty years weren’t perfect as we all think them to be. For all we know, there could have been cases of infidelity or falling out of love during those years. But that’s all a part of it. Obviously, not really the infidelity part, but you know what I’m trying to say. What keeps these couples together is not just love, but faith—in each other. Couples nowadays just think that one small fight is a reason for divorce. We think that it’s the only way out. To be honest with you, that’s the easy way out (depending on the situation). We can say that there’s no such thing as true love or that true love never existed. Call me a hopeless romantic (because I am), but true love does exist. Just savour the moment with that one person. Science says twenty-first century humans have a longer lifespan, take advantage of that. We’ve got lovers from way back when, who could have lasted a century, but lived together for a year or two. Why can’t we just love and not worry about others? Live life like every day was as if you were still pursuing him. I mean, people take this whole marriage thing for granted. It doesn’t matter if you’re married in a church or city hall with a big ass reception or if you’ve signed some document saying that you’re legally married to him. It’s not supposed to be this blitz where we show off how much money our families have. It’s not a competition. What it’s supposed to be is this instance where we take vows to promise to be there for each other through life’s ups and downs “till death do us part” and that this ceremony is to show off how much we love each other and that we don’t care what our guests have to say. What you know for a fact that this person will be your source of happiness for the rest of your life and you will be his too. Sure, I’ve never been married, but this I know is a true story: My parents.


Let me give you some food for thought:

My mom told once that God (or whoever you may believe in) is smart. He built our bodies in a way that would help us make decisions properly, she said:

 God put our brains at the very top of our bodies and the heart below it. It’s a way to tell us never to think with your heart, but with your brain, first. It’s that simple.

Lots of Love,

V

I Want To Hold Your Hand

Look, other bands, they want to make it about sex or pain, but you know, The Beatles, they had it all figured out, okay? "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The first single. It's effing brilliant, right?... That's what everybody wants, Nicky. They don't want a twenty-four-hour hump sesh, they don't want to be married to you for a hundred years. They just want to hold your hand. ~ Thom from Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist (LOVEE)

 

That's exactly what I want to do whenever I look at him. And that's all that plays in my head, "I Want to Hold Your Hand". I just want to grab his hand and show him off to the world that he's mine. I don't care about anything else, that's it. Anyways, let's get on with the mushy part and tell you the BIG NEWS. 
  
I ASKED HARVEY OUT. In other words, I FINALLY GREW BALLS. Yeah, I know, I can't believe it either. This Friday, I have a charity bowling event. My sister brought about this idea to ask him to join my team, and you know what, I decided that this is probably the only chance that I've got. So I went up to him and straight-out asked him. No Big Deal, right? I was definitely dying inside, but it sounded pretty chill. You don't know happy I am that he said YES. And he seemed pretty enthusiastic about it. Let's hope this works out ladies, but you know what I'm afraid of?

I find that strong-headed women (no offence to me or you) are susceptible to heart-break. Why, you say? Well, think about it this way, WE ASK THEM OUT. WE INITIATE. All HE'S got to do is give us an ANSWER. WE'VE GOT TO DO THE HARD WORK. I just think that maybe we're leading ourselves into our own demise. I know Harvey's a shy guy...like REALLY SHY (he's still not off the hook), but how about other guys? Do they just play around with our heads, because they know that we're crazy about them? So they say all these things to get us worked up and then once we're caught in their trap: KAPUT...he's got himself a new girlfriend. He's disappeared into some other universe, where he doesn't know who the fuck we are. He doesn't answer our text messages/calls/emails. Then we freak out. Maybe something's wrong. Maybe he got into a car accident and he's not able to text. Or MAYBE he's just not that into you?

That's what I'm really afraid of. I don't want to get hurt. Nobody does. But you've got to experience pain to find the truth. It's not always going to be this fantasy we've conjured up in our brains. We're not living in a chick flick ladies. We are capable of making our own love stories and we shouldn't be relying on some unrealistic movies to show us this is the way to do it. Not every guy is Joseph Gordon-Levitt a hopeless romantic. We need to get away from this mindset and just be ourselves and not that chick in that movie. I don't know, ladies. I'm scared, but this is probably my only chance to chill with him and to see what will happen after that! Let's just hope that one day my post will say, "I FOUND HIM."

Lots of Love,
V

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!!

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY!

OR

If you don't roll that way: HAPPY SINGLES' AWARENESS DAY!

I know it's a short post today, but I've got BIG news for you, ladies! More to come...

Lots of Love,

V

These Words From My Heart

You know what’s rare these days? Honesty. Straight-fowardness. Courage. Especially with regards to feelings. We totally get caught up in this universe where: when you have something good to say, don’t say it all. Wasn’t it supposed to be when you have something bad to say? Yes, unfortunately, it’s so rare to tell your true feelings for that someone, because we have this mentality that the only thing we can tell our true feelings to is our teddy bear bedroom walls. It’s not bad, really, but the problem with everyone these days is that we don’t want to be JUDGED. We don’t want to be REJECTED. We don’t want to get HURT. We are COWARDS. However, for those who tell their true feelings, attractive or not, kudos! But, we make fun of those people. We question their antics. And we go even further to make fun of them: Who does that guy think he is? We make their lives a living hell, meanwhile, we’re doing that to ourselves by not telling the guy the truth. Advice to me and you, my fellow ladies: QUIT IT.

Earlier, I was talking about Harvey and how I would take things slow. But today, because of that friend who grew balls, I was inspired. Actually, I made a truce with her and now I have to fulfill my part. AKA, I have to ask Harvey out for coffee, which shouldn’t be a big deal. I said shouldn’t. Anyways, my friend, let’s call her Jaylin, had a hell-of-a-dilemma. The guy, who she is friends with (who also has a girlfriend), told her that he had still had feelings for her, and they haven’t changed. I know, scandalous, right? Well as she was dealing with this “I-jus-shit-in-my-pants-from-anxiety” situation, she realized that she has feelings for him too. Would totally be romantic, if she wasn’t the third wheel, right? Well, she wanted to tell him, but obviously, it’s a little risky and plus, homewrecker status was on high. So she didn’t for a while, until two/three days ago. And you know, I don’t see her as a homewrecker. It’s a not a sin to say something on your mind. She had a need to be honest with him. And here’s where she inspired me. We need a little more honesty. We need to stand out from the rest of the girls who think that flirting or making sexual gestures will get them into a guy’s heart. In the end, all that matters is your true feelings, even if it’s just a crush. In terms of marriage, sure wearing/saying something sexy is a good way to start a marriage, but when it all boils down to nothing, what really matters? Love. Sure, love can be expressed in many ways: expensive gifts, sex, a kiss, a hug, who are we kidding? But the best part part of love is hearing those three, yet so cliché, words: I LOVE YOU, from the person that you can say those three words to too. Nothing should be holding you back from saying it, you should be able to say it freely. No strings attached. And this is what Jaylin did. She took the hit. She took it for the team. It may be an obvious anxiety attack on her part, but for me, it’s inspiring. Love you, girl!


LOL,


V

Gamble Everything For Love.

Everything you want is out there waiting for you to ask. Everything you want also wants you. But you have to take action to get it.

~Jules Renard

Have you ever felt like you and the guy that you are totally smitten with, are living in the utmost parallel universe? You definitely like him (HEAD-OVER-THE-HEELS). And he definitely likes you. BUT (there’s always a “but”), none of you are taking any action? It’s kind of like one day, you’re going to grow some balls and finally ask him out, but then something happens...You don’t see him that day (or you did but the balls that you supposedly grew disappeared). And it could totally be like that on his part (without the balls’ disappearing, that would be of concern), so how the hell would you fix this?

Ok, so this is my dilemma, I really like this guy. For our sake, let’s call him Harvey. When I first saw Harvey, I was like, “Wow.” And no, it’s not like he’s a heartthrob (he’s cute), but I just got that feeling that this guy is someone that I’d like to pursue. I met him last October, on the same day that I first saw him (I know, I should’ve written a blog entry at that time) and as a few months pass, I started to get to know him. My verdict: he’s sweet, funny, non-judgemental, and most of Harvey's just HARVEY. BUT the problem was, how would I subtly ask him to go out with me? He’s shy. I’m shy. See, the parallel universe, here? Yeah. That’s why I made it my New Years’ Resolution to take chances and make mistakes. And I have not yet taken it to word. Why? It’s probably, because, I’m afraid that I was wrong about him liking me and that he’d reject me...or it turns out that he has a girlfriend already. Really, though, I’m not going to ask him, “Hi Harvey, please just date me now.” No, I was just planning to ask him out for a coffee date. I want to take things slow, but not too slow, to the point where I land myself in the friend zone. To be honest, there’s nothing to lose. “Do you want to go out for coffee?” is a yes or no answer. So what am I waiting for? To be honest, I really don't know, but what I really do know is that I really like him. Why? I've met some of the biggest jerks on this unpredicatble planet and when I encountered Harvey..it was like so there are such things as nice guys!


Anyways, my advice for you ladies out there, who are stuck like I am: JUST DO IT (in Nike's words). We shouldn’t be scared. You know the problem with guys from the 21st century? They’re scared of us too. You don’t meet guys who are up front anymore. You don’t meet guys who write love poems or letters to woo you anymore. No, it’s all about, “I want to sleep with you”. Well, so far, in this somewhat short lifespan of mine. But from what I see: WE have to take action, because THEY’RE afraid of telling us their true feelings. Apparently, we have switched each other's roles. LIKE WTF. Man...I just want to tell him.

LOL,

V

P.s. I made a truce with my friend (and my sister) that if I ask him out, they'll tell the guys that they like how they really feel...UPDATE: my friend grew balls. NOW, it's my turn. FUCK.

My New Year's Resolution

"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossoms had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."

-St. Augustine

I know it's been a while since i haven't posted anything. It's just that there has been a lot going through my mind and I can't seem to write. However, I'm going to try to post as often as I could!! First of all, Happy New Year to you all! Wishing you that your year is filled with love, good health and most of all, happiness!!! I can't believe that it's already 2011.

The quote I have listed above is one of the most beautiful descriptions of love, I have ever come across. Love is not something that you can ever take away from someone, no matter what you do to them, the love that they have for you will be imprinted in their heart forever. That's what real love is, anyways. But some people find that "love" has symptoms, as if it were a common cold or a flu. Sweaty palms, butterflies in the stomach, quickened heartbeat, can't eat, can't sleep. We could totally manipulate that, though. When it all boils down to nothing, what's left? Love? Infatuation? Let's be realistic, love is rare. It's not easy nowadays, to find it. It's masked behind the proliferations of divorce, heartbreak. People are afraid to fall in love for that reason. Statistics say this. Statistics say that. But for once, instead of hiding, we should go out there. Meet people. Mingle. And just maybe, we'll find love somewhere. Somewhere where we least expect. Take chances, make mistakes, as Miss Frizzle would say. I ask all of you, to surrender to the pursuit of love. To find that someone that not only gives you butterflies for one moment, but for a lifetime. To find that person that you are willing to fall in love with every day. Don't tell me, it's impossible.

The pursuit of love may be one of the most exciting times of your life. It's like a treasure hunt, although, the reward is far more worthy than gold. I'm going to take chances this year. I don't want to live a life of "what ifs". So join me, in this pursuit! It's never too late to start, right?

L(ots) O(f) L(ove),

Miss V.

Hello Ladies (&Gents, of course),