You Make Me Smile

"You know when you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."  ~ Dr. Seuss

First of all, I'd like to thank all my friends, who have supported my "Pursuit of Happyness Harveyness." I am so thankful that I have met the most wonderful human beings on this planet. I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH! And also, if you ever need anything, just know that I am always here for you. A big shout out to pineapple --thank you for your comment, I really needed that eye-opener. You are one wise guy. I really appreciate and it helped me alot. And I'd like you all to know that I've done it --I asked him to dinner (with the help of my friends), wasn't expecting it to happen that day, but it did happen. What did he say? He said, yes, and to be honest with you, that's all that really mattered. I am one happy girl right now! Thank you all, you made this happen, I could not have done it without you guys, I know you are probably tired of me asking about countless observations and spending coffee dates dedicated to talking about Harvey..I'm sorry I put you through that. But I'm here now, I'm in the place where I want to be.

For the past few years of my life, I have experienced everything, but love. My family life was the best, and in a moment, everything fell through. That's when I stopped believing in love. The people that I had thought loved me, betrayed me and my family. I know it's long past, but you can never let those things go, even if all is forgiven. It ruined my childhood, but I'm better than I could ever be. I'm wiser, smarter and stronger. Sometimes, you give love to the wrong people, who don't deserve it. And you make a fool of yourself. But then I saw hope, I saw it in my family--just me, my parents and my siblings. I realized you didn't need to have anything big in life, it's what's in front of you. And that moment, brought me to believe in love once again. I've learned that love is like believing in God. You don't have to be religious to believe in love. Love is not a religion. It's something that could bring us together or even make our lives a living hell. It's there, waiting for the right moment to pounce. Love knows no boundaries. And like a child believing in Santa Claus, I live believing and hoping in love. I know it's everywhere. You don't have to see it to believe it, you feel it.

That's why I've become a hopeless romantic. I didn't see it before. I was looking for a guy 24/7. I thought I needed a guy to contribute to my happiness. But in reality, I wanted to hear an "I love you." To do coupley things--just like everyone else. But who needs an "I love you" that doesn't mean anything? I was looking at the big picture, I had to snap out of it. So I took the NO GUY OATH and stopped looking for a guy. AND BOOM! Look where it's got me, life's led me to Harvey. Ladies (and gents), just stop looking, the person who will make you smile, is right in front of you.

Lots of Love,

V

I've Got To Start To Open My Heart

"We were given: Two hands to hold. Two legs to walk. Two eyes to see. Two ears to listen. But why only one heart? Because the other was given to someone else. For us to find."

Ok, so here I am writing blog posts on my friends, and you're probably wondering...What the fuck is going on with V? Or at least I'm hoping you are. So, am I going to answer your question (that I'm hoping that you'd ask)? Is there anything going on with me? Nope. Well, not in a sense. There are little things, but I have been so nervous to ask Harvey out and I'm too much of a pessimist to do so. I really want to, you don't even know...of course, the fear of rejection is an excuse, but it's not a reason. He likes me, I know it. And if you're asking me how, I don't find it necessary to prove it to you. I know, because I just do. The way he treats me, the way he remembers the littlest things from conversations that have long passed, the way he would inch closer every time he stands next to me...And I find that I always have to provide proof of why I like someone or why I know he likes me. I know that these little tid-bits of Harvey might not even be proof, but it's proof to me. I really like him, I  really do. There's no doubt about it. It just sucks, because there's me, talking to him and inside, I'm overwhelmed with emotions. I want him, but I'm stuck in this rut. I want to say something, but I can't.

What's my problem, then? Why don't I ask him out? All girls, like me and you, have that longing to be asked out by a guy. Why? It's probably because of all those chick-flicks that we've been watching. We dream of some hot version of Bradley Cooper walking into our lives and eventually asking us out. And for those who say, "I don't care who asks who out first.", you really do care. Of course, everyone wants a guy to ask us out. It's what boosts our confidence and it's proof that he really is in to us. But hey, the guy might be shy and we can't expect everything to go our way, so there are cases where we have to man up ourselves. So, I don't know, we'll see where Harvey and I go. I'll ask him out, but that, hopefully, won't be the end of our story...and no, I'm not expecting a fairy tale ending...just me and him holding hands, overwhelmed with smiles. I'm not expecting much, but to say that Harvey is mine, is one hell-of-a-victory.

Lots of Love,

V

Don't Give the Ghost Up, Just Clench Your Fists

You are head-over-heels for this one guy and you know that he likes you too, BUT he’s head-over-heels for something else. Nope, it’s not his crazed ex-girlfriend or his mother, you know what it is? It’s his job. And it’s a job that doesn’t involve wearing a suit and tie, or working in one of those exclusive buildings. No, it’s a job where he’s outside, saving people’s lives. Where’s he getting his hands dirty and where the lives of others are in his hands. Ok ladies, being Spiderman is not a career, not unless you’re Tobey Maguire. He’s someone who we take for granted every day, who risks their lives for YOU and run into burning buildings, with nothing but protective gear and a helmet. Yes, ladies, what I’m talking about today is a fire-fighter and why it’s a risk worth taking to bring him into your life.

No worries, it’s not me or Harvey that I’ll be talking to you about today. It’s about my friend Van, who really likes this guy who is in love with his job. And yes, he is a fire-fighter. Great, right? He’s well-built to carry you, he's heroic, he’s beautiful to look at, and maybe, he’s in that calendar that you own. But despite all of that, there’s one flaw. He’s out there, saving people’s lives, while you’re living life every day, as if one phone call could change your life, forever. You’re taking a risk liking him, because he’s taking a risk saving people. Is it because we don’t want to get hurt, if something bad happens to him? Isn’t that selfish, though? These are some of the questions that were pointed out by Van, to me, about liking someone like, this guy. You know what, I do find it somewhat selfish, but not to the point. Nobody wants to get hurt in a relationship, even if the guy is not a dick, he just loves his job. It’s a defence mechanism that is wired into everyone. We just don’t want to be alone, that’s why we’re trying not to like this guy. But you know what? Though I do find this some risky business, haven’t you thought about it on his side? Every time he’s out at his job, he’s thinking of YOU. He’s going to do the best he can to make this relationship work out. If he loves you, he would be doing the best he can to stay alive, just to see you again. He may be tough and buff, but inside, he cares for you and only you. Life’s about taking risks, but without them, life’s not the same. Take risks, like he’s taking risks out there. Take it from the leading ladies from all those comic books, nothing stopped them for loving their supermen, even if their lives were in danger. That’s what loving someone does to you, you’re willing to do anything (not anything stupid, though) for this one guy and you don’t care, just as long as he’s yours. Don’t move forward and regret giving him a chance. Give him one, Van, it’s the least you could do, while he’s out there fighting fires. I know how you feel, when you say that you're jealous of the whole world, because that's his first priority. And I know that you feel as though, you'd have to start a fire to catch his attention, but from what I see, all you have to do is let him into your life. He’s a life saver, but he’s also human and he needs someone there for him and I know you’re even capable of saving his life, because you’re worthwhile!

Lots of Love,


V

I'm Not Your Toy

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do. ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

How many strikes does it take to realize that the guy in front of you is a complete jackass? One? Two? Or three? Sometimes, when you experience pain, you realize things. You become more aware. You're stronger. But sometimes, things don't happen that way. There's times when you set yourself for your own demise. You say that you attract the assholes and you do. You accepted it. But what if...you stopped to think for a bit. Why do I have to go through the same thing again? Why would I do that to myself? My friend, CC has experienced a shit load of guys, who were probably the biggest assholes on earth. They were guys who would lead you on. Disappear. Then reappear with a different girl in their arms. And you know what? It's not fair for, CC. People like her, deserve the best. She's beautiful inside and out. Who wouldn't want that?

See guys...are probably going to be the biggest obstacles in our lives. They have the ability to change our lives and in a second, they have the ability to ruin it. They have the ability to make us doubt ourselves. To question whether or not we're beautiful, fun, or good enough. They're just that life-changing it's fucking crazy. They occupy our heads for so long. We even picture ourselves on the first date. And then what? He totally blind-sides you and tells you, that he needs to see where he is in life first. In other words, I only wanted to play. But we keep justifying these assholes and stand up for them. We put our fucking trust in them. And we totally fuck ourselves over. And we never stop to think...we just do it.

But what I want you ladies to take away from this is, just to stop and think. Think about yourself. Just like CC, she did it. And I am so proud, you don't even know. She could've kept going, but she didn't. She realized things, before it was too late. Never do things for the guy's sake. It always has to be about you. You have to feel happy. You have to feel loved. Appreciated. Not just someone who is there at their disposal. One more aware girl means, one less broken-hearted girl. So, if you're ever after a guy who you know is an asshole...hit the pause button and think for yourself. Don't do anything for him. It's your story. It's no one else's. Trust me, it'll only go so far if everything you did was for him.


Lots of Love,

V

If you’re wondering if I want you to, I want you to.

So my bowling event...what happened? I want to be honest with you all. Nothing happened. At least, I thought so at first. Then I realized how much I failed. So Harvey, the shy guy that he is subtly hinted to go out before he left. My friends and I were telling him to come with us to this Vietnamese restaurant, but the perfect guy that he was, he had to go see his family. Though, he was a little upset and was about to change his mind. But then he actually had to leave. So, he and I were all alone. And he was like, “I’ve never tried Vietnamese food. Does it taste good?” And this is where I ultimately fail. Now ladies, I know, I’m the one telling Y’ALL about relationships. But I wasn’t thinking. I was in so much shock and awe that he actually came to bowling. So, what do you say was my response? Let me just put in block quotes so you don’t make the same mistake that I did, next time a guy asks you that question,

“Yeah, it’s good. YOU SHOULD TRY IT.”

What the fuck, V? In my head, I was like, fuck you blew it. My sister was saying that’s just like someone saying hello to you and you saying goodbye to them, right after. But I still have a chance to make up for it. He’s someone that I don’t ever want to let go. There’s just something about this guy that makes me want him more. And ladies, I’m not kidding. I’m biting my lips and smiling, as we speak. I could have never imagined finding someone like this, after all the assholes that I’ve encountered in the past. I think that when I stopped looking for someone, Fate just totally brought him to me. It’s like a breath of fresh air. I’ve never felt so alive and happy. I want all of you to take something from this. And I know I sound pathetic there and that I’m a total hypocrite with getting angry at people saying mushy things about someone, but when you actually encounter this kind of person, you’ll change your mind.

We shouldn’t be expecting that every guy we see is someone that we want to date. We need to stop looking and stop waiting. We just need to focus on ourselves, first. All those assholes in your lives don’t deserve a wonderful person like you. If you think that he’s going to treat you with respect, after he’s treated you like shit, you’re on your own. Guys like that, are horrible people and they won’t change for you, just because you give them an ultimatum. It’s not YOU. It’s H-I-M. Don’t hurt yourself trying to ask questions on why he would leave you hanging like that. It’s not your fault. It’s his. He’s the one that’s not taking chances here. You’re willing to give your heart to him and you’ll do anything for him, just to hear an “I love you.” But he won’t do the same, for you. It’s a one-sided thing and it’s not right. If you’re stuck in a rut, do what my amazing friend did and just let him go. She did. It hurt, but she did and I’m so proud of her. Instead of expecting assholes, I ask you, just don’t think about it. Keep an open mind. The right guy will come to you, when you least expect it. My mom said once,

“Love’s like death, you never know when it’s going to hit you, but it eventually will.”

Let’s just hope you don’t hit both at the same time!!

Lots of Love,

V

Matters of the Heart

Have you ever attempted to tackle to answer that question that is almost as important as “what’s my purpose in life?” You probably have. I know I have. I know, quit playing games, it’s time to tell you what the hell I was talking about. Love. What is love? Baby, don’t hurt me. I’ve got a few ideas, coming from some observations that I’ve faced with this full-fledged emotion. From my point, love’s not what it’s all cracked up to be. It’s not the butterflies in the stomach. It’s not blinding. Those are just symptoms (that also could be very misleading). Love’s something totally different. It’s something simple. Not something that came out of Twilight a fairy tale. Love is something that has its up and downs. It can’t be forced upon. Love just happens. And it's definitely not a one-sided thing—that would be infatuation.

Today, I was waiting for the bus and this girl came up to me and she started talking to me. We talked as if we were old friends that bumped to each other and were just catching up. She was nice. She told me that she had recently been dumped by her boyfriend of three years. I asked her how recent. She said, “Feb 23rd.” Today’s, March 2nd. I couldn’t believe it, how could someone handle it so calmly. It didn’t seem like it at all, she seemed so happy and outgoing. I know that three years is a lot of time to spend with one person, but just imagine ten or twenty or better yet, fifty. It just got me thinking, as a couple, you’re always in danger of breaking up. No matter how much you think it impossible, it’s possible. She saw that it was coming, but why wait for the blow when you could just end it when you realize that he’s not the one? She said she “loved him,” but why love someone who doesn’t love you back? To me, that’s not love at all. All these questions rushed into mind as she told me about her situation. I don’t ever want to live in a one-sided relationship where I’m the one trying hard to keep the relationship together. We need to be in a relationship where it’s balanced.


Today, we see so many instances of break-ups or cruel divorces and this is all part of our society. That’s what we all fear. Everyone says that it’s because our lifespan is long and we’re not used to sticking around with one person for forty years. Or that explanation that man is naturally a polygamist. How could we explain those couples who’ve lasted sixty years? Sure those sixty years weren’t perfect as we all think them to be. For all we know, there could have been cases of infidelity or falling out of love during those years. But that’s all a part of it. Obviously, not really the infidelity part, but you know what I’m trying to say. What keeps these couples together is not just love, but faith—in each other. Couples nowadays just think that one small fight is a reason for divorce. We think that it’s the only way out. To be honest with you, that’s the easy way out (depending on the situation). We can say that there’s no such thing as true love or that true love never existed. Call me a hopeless romantic (because I am), but true love does exist. Just savour the moment with that one person. Science says twenty-first century humans have a longer lifespan, take advantage of that. We’ve got lovers from way back when, who could have lasted a century, but lived together for a year or two. Why can’t we just love and not worry about others? Live life like every day was as if you were still pursuing him. I mean, people take this whole marriage thing for granted. It doesn’t matter if you’re married in a church or city hall with a big ass reception or if you’ve signed some document saying that you’re legally married to him. It’s not supposed to be this blitz where we show off how much money our families have. It’s not a competition. What it’s supposed to be is this instance where we take vows to promise to be there for each other through life’s ups and downs “till death do us part” and that this ceremony is to show off how much we love each other and that we don’t care what our guests have to say. What you know for a fact that this person will be your source of happiness for the rest of your life and you will be his too. Sure, I’ve never been married, but this I know is a true story: My parents.


Let me give you some food for thought:

My mom told once that God (or whoever you may believe in) is smart. He built our bodies in a way that would help us make decisions properly, she said:

 God put our brains at the very top of our bodies and the heart below it. It’s a way to tell us never to think with your heart, but with your brain, first. It’s that simple.

Lots of Love,

V

I Want To Hold Your Hand

Look, other bands, they want to make it about sex or pain, but you know, The Beatles, they had it all figured out, okay? "I Want to Hold Your Hand." The first single. It's effing brilliant, right?... That's what everybody wants, Nicky. They don't want a twenty-four-hour hump sesh, they don't want to be married to you for a hundred years. They just want to hold your hand. ~ Thom from Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist (LOVEE)

 

That's exactly what I want to do whenever I look at him. And that's all that plays in my head, "I Want to Hold Your Hand". I just want to grab his hand and show him off to the world that he's mine. I don't care about anything else, that's it. Anyways, let's get on with the mushy part and tell you the BIG NEWS. 
  
I ASKED HARVEY OUT. In other words, I FINALLY GREW BALLS. Yeah, I know, I can't believe it either. This Friday, I have a charity bowling event. My sister brought about this idea to ask him to join my team, and you know what, I decided that this is probably the only chance that I've got. So I went up to him and straight-out asked him. No Big Deal, right? I was definitely dying inside, but it sounded pretty chill. You don't know happy I am that he said YES. And he seemed pretty enthusiastic about it. Let's hope this works out ladies, but you know what I'm afraid of?

I find that strong-headed women (no offence to me or you) are susceptible to heart-break. Why, you say? Well, think about it this way, WE ASK THEM OUT. WE INITIATE. All HE'S got to do is give us an ANSWER. WE'VE GOT TO DO THE HARD WORK. I just think that maybe we're leading ourselves into our own demise. I know Harvey's a shy guy...like REALLY SHY (he's still not off the hook), but how about other guys? Do they just play around with our heads, because they know that we're crazy about them? So they say all these things to get us worked up and then once we're caught in their trap: KAPUT...he's got himself a new girlfriend. He's disappeared into some other universe, where he doesn't know who the fuck we are. He doesn't answer our text messages/calls/emails. Then we freak out. Maybe something's wrong. Maybe he got into a car accident and he's not able to text. Or MAYBE he's just not that into you?

That's what I'm really afraid of. I don't want to get hurt. Nobody does. But you've got to experience pain to find the truth. It's not always going to be this fantasy we've conjured up in our brains. We're not living in a chick flick ladies. We are capable of making our own love stories and we shouldn't be relying on some unrealistic movies to show us this is the way to do it. Not every guy is Joseph Gordon-Levitt a hopeless romantic. We need to get away from this mindset and just be ourselves and not that chick in that movie. I don't know, ladies. I'm scared, but this is probably my only chance to chill with him and to see what will happen after that! Let's just hope that one day my post will say, "I FOUND HIM."

Lots of Love,
V