What To Expect

A BLANK SLATE. I wonder what will become of this once I start. First things first, I think that it'll be filled with complete nonsense about some previous guy that i liked. And then I'll probably go on to saying that I want to move on, but at the same time, wishing that I could go back and spend another moment with him. He probably doesn't even care, for all I know. It took me long enough to figure out that he will NEVER come back to me. Why do we take so long to leave someone like that behind? We spend countless hours scheming on how to get him back--as if it were ever going to happen. Yet it NEVER crosses our minds that he most likely doesn't spend much time thinking about us. Why do we succumb to douche bags? Why do we act so stupidly so that the guy notices? We idealize these guys in our heads and add great personality traits and some features into the mix--and the sad thing is, we've never talked to this guy before. Based on OUR assumptions we make this guy some sort of god or fallen angel, and us, so awe-stricken by this immaculate episode, we fall to his feet and obey his every command. But what happens when we realize the truth? We're lost. We don't know what to do, our previous plans of getting married are scrapped and now we're staring at the ugly truth right in the face. We feel like we're slowly sinking into that abyss of nothingness and then and there we realize that jackass is FLAWED. Who would've known? But does it actually make us stop liking him? PROBABLY NOT. We decide to stick around for a while, give him a second chance (without him knowing it), and wait for the second blow. And where do our friends fit in to this wonderful picture? Cheering us on in the audience. They have got us totally convinced that he really does love us, but it just takes him a little longer to process. Why don't they ever tell us the truth? Actually, some do. It's just that we would rather listen to the one who nods to everything we say, even if we tell them that the sky is green and the ocean is yellow...Now saying that, they're not the only ones who lead us on. The biggest offender is, no not guys, us. Yeah it's true (unfortunately), but we do tend to lead ourselves on, especially when we're getting the "facts" from pure observation. And the thing that gets me is: where do these girls find these perfect guys? Where I'm from all the perfect guys I find are gay, married, or straight, but on the path to priesthood. The problem is with me, and most of us, is that we never talk about the "now", so maybe it is better to live for the moment and not the future. And quite possibly, that's how we'll find him or better yet, that's how he'll find us. We just got to BE and not ACT ourselves, though it's hard, it's the only way to find the guy who will love YOU for YOU. I found this out the hard way and so did he. But there's always room for mistakes, no matter how big they are, because if he loved you that much, the things you've done in the past hardly count to what he expects in the future. Just don't make too many. And one more thing: DON'T BE SHALLOW. Everybody has expectations, but don't let them rule your life, because that's what could be barring you from the opportunities that are set for you. This slate's not so blank after all. I guess you could take some advice from this whole rant. But this is what I'm here for. This is the beginning of relationship lessons from a girl who has to learn them for herself too, but together, we could educate each other.