Bulk, Not Sulk

Put.The.Ben&Jerry's Tub. Down. Like...Now. You've recently broken up with your asshole-of-a-boyfriend and now you've decided to sulk. What the hell are you doing? I mean, give it time, because time will heal your broken heart. Though, if you keep eating, time will come in which your heart will literally burst, due to the fact that it can't take any more of that fat you're stuffing down your body. Oh, I've sulked before, but in the midst of putting another spoonful of Choco Chip Cookie Dough (YUMMMM) into my mouth, I realized: THIS IS NOT FUCKING RIGHT. I mean, it FELT right, because it's what people do when they just need to sulk. But do you ever realize what you're doing to yourself when you're stuffing that piece of delicious double chocolate crunch cheesecake into your mouth? NO. Obviously not, but this was my epiphany. A revelation, something that I needed to realize before it was too late. Slowly, but surely I put that spoon of B&J's Choco Chip Cookie Dough back into the bucket and exclaimed, "Fuck this." Yeah, it was that easy. Here's the thing, if the objective here is to move on, then why aren't we out there yet? Sure it takes time to move on and indulging it's a step "getting over him". But see here, we shouldn't be stuffing our faces with God-Knows-What. If we're moving on, do we want to move on looking like a beluga whale? They're really cute, but still, that's not my point. WE HAVE TO BE AND LOOK BEAUTIFUL, LADIES! We all have the ability to, we just gotta try. It'll be a hard road to get on to, but we seriously need to get on it. Guys, though superficial, they have a good point. They want us to look fit and be fit. WHY? They just don't want they're date to enter Cardiac Arrest due to their awful eating habits! No, we don't want that to happen. So, here's the idea: RUN, WALK, JUMP, DO WHATEVER YOU GOT TO DO TO KEEP FIT! I'm no doctor, but being physically active will help relieve stress and make you look UBER SEXY in that little black dress for that next date. So the next time you see Ben & Jerry, give them the cold shoulder, don't worry, we still secretly love them. Of course, you can indulge ONCE in a while--it's a MUST.