Self-Love is the Best Kind of Love

Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first - Carrie Bradshaw 

I'm alone. I look around at the Christmas decorations surrounding me at the malls. What's worse? Me seeing the couples walking around with a cup of hot chocolate and holding hands. They're smiling -- I'm not. I feel awful. Of course I long for the warm embraces, the PDA, and those three addicting words..."I love you." I wish one day that I could be one of those couples in the mall, and I know that I will (just not now).

Honestly, Christmas is the saddest season for singles. However, as much as I feel the same way, I've come to learn to not give a shit anymore. It's not because I'm angry and bitter, but it's just the fact that I need to start being happy for myself. My loves, we're chasing after this dream, this feeling, but we can't get it if we're not happy. For all the times we are mourning for our singledom, we could be enjoying our lives. Happiness is a key into finding love. If we're miserable, guys will not see us as prospective mates, why? Who the well wants to be with a bitter bitch? I certainly don't and I'm sure no one else does either. We need to enjoy the things we do. Join a book club. Maybe go to a pottery class (don't expect a Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore moment to arise from this). Take a walk. Eat at a restaurant by yourselves. If we don't enjoy ourselves, then we're not going to go far. 

Why do we do the things we do? We're looking for that lost gaze. We're looking for that smile across the room. We're looking for him. But it's just going to drive us insane. Trust me, I've been there. People think that if you stop looking for him, he'll surely come to you...and I agree with that. I believe it. Why? We're busy loving ourselves. Enjoying our lives as a single person shows a lot of confidence. And confidence attracts the right guy, because it shows that they're not looking for a one night stand, an exotic beauty, a temporary love -- they're looking for a girl that can stand strong as an independent. We rely on so much on fate and destiny, that we forget that we have a choice. Ladies, gentlemen --whoever you are--enjoy yourself, love yourself, be yourself. You're going to be married for fifty years and maybe more. But when you look back at your singledom crying, hating on the lovers, desperate, confused -- and no happy thoughts...yes, you've come to your senses. You really didn't enjoy yourself, while your man didn't put a ring on it. Once you have kids or a family to manage, you're going to wish to have your independence back. But you can't get it back, because you have responsibilities. If you've enjoyed yourself as much as you had when you were single, you wouldn't be living a life of regret. I'm not saying that marriage becomes a boring institution when it happens, but that in itself, is another journey. But you can't honestly get that if you were not happier before. If you're going to rely on a guy for happiness and pleasure, let me ask you, what will happen if he's gone? What will happen if he decides to leave you? You can't stand alone -- you'll be miserable. But if you were comfortable with being alone before, it might be a different story. Who knows? 

Happiness does not start with a man/woman. Happiness starts with you. Don't you EVER EVER forget. So this Christmas, I ask you just ENJOY yourselves.

I'm not going to make any promises on blogging, I know I'm not a very good blogger! I'm so sorry. 

Lots of Love, 

V

The Life and Woes of a Single Woman

"Emancipation of women has made them lose their mystery." ~ Grace Kelly

What would women do if there was no such thing as men? Would women's lives without men make it easier than what we go through now? Asking myself these questions, I begin to wonder whether or not living without men is possible. I mean we wouldn't be fighting over them, we wouldn't need to die in the corner just waiting for him to call or text back, or maybe we wouldn't have to worry about getting married or having kids. We could focus on anything that we want, instead of reminding ourselves about what Tim did with this other girl. No, we would just be ourselves. Sounds like a better world, right? 

But ladies, we shouldn't be wishing for a world just full of women. We don't need to get rid of men, because they cause us all this havoc. Sometimes, it's our faults. For the past few weeks, I've been struggling with just about everything. Confusion has become my best friend. Only yesterday was when I saw the truth. I've been talking to a lot of girlfriends recently and all of them are amazing. It's just that sometimes, I find that some of my friendships have been based on guys and how we struggle without them. Being single is a nightmare. And for sure it is, but how can we enjoy our lives when there's someone who's weighing us down...whether or not he/she is actually dating us? We've become consumed with the fact that our life's goal is a Hollywood-founded dream: to get a guy and live with him forever. Our lives revolve around trying to find "The One," when "The One" could be just waiting for something interesting to happen to us. 

When we say that our lives are boring, we actually mean to say: "I'm so alone and no one wants me. Could you help me find someone that I could do everything with?" It just bothers me so much, because what happened to the women in the past rooting for independence and dying for a ballot in the box? What happened to the women who were inspired how other women expressed themselves through words, and not just how they dress? Those women are still out there, but we don't pay attention to those people. They're lives are not interesting enough anymore. I mean people pay more attention to woman who can find fame through sex or through showing her body and not the woman who rose to fame with her intelligence. It's not supposed to be like that, but it is. And to each their own, but I just want to let you ladies know that life is something that we're given. No matter what religion you follow, it's about living life. And how can we do that if it's only based on whether or not this guy asked you out, or what not? It's great, but the thing is...what the hell will you be talking about once you're in a relationship with him? How interesting your life is? Enough said. 

My advice: Live life as interestingly as possible, whether you enjoy riding a bike. Or maybe drawing or even people watching. Life, in all respects, brings you unexpected possibilities when you're not looking. Don't focus on finding someone, focus on yourself first. Trust yourself. Be yourself. Enjoy yourself. A thirty year old friend once said to me, "Once you're thirty and married, you're going to be begging for your singularity back." Freedom is what we wanted and in some parts of the world, that's what we got. Now ladies, embrace being single, once in a while. Because when we don't have it, we're going to want it back. But if we lived a happy life of singledom, we'd be willing enough to live with a significant other. 

Lots of Love, 

V 

Wish You Were Here

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.” ~ Lemony Snicket

We were two lost souls living in a fish bowl, year after year. Running the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears. And that my friends comes from Pink Floyd's song, Wish You Were Here, and you know what? That is probably the best description of our lives right here. The world is this one giant fish bowl and you're doing the best you can to just get by in life. People come and go, but you're still waiting for this one soul to get you out of this routine. And he/she is probably doing the same thing, waiting. It takes this one moment, this one spark to ignite the fire. Though sometimes it feels like it is hopeless and that you'll forever be alone. You're not actually alone. Somewhere in the world, someone's going through the same thing. 

The past few months I've been keeping myself busy to try to get things (not Harvey things) out of my head. It's been really tough and sometimes, you need someone to talk to about it. And I know I've always got my friends, but sometimes you need someone more than that, more than family too.

With all these things going on in my life, there were points when I realized that I was all alone. And that realization got to me -- it just made me feel more lonely. At that moment, I was really vying on finding someone. But I couldn't. Though I didn't even think about Harvey at those moments. Not once did I wish I had Harvey. Surprisingly. It just meant that my feelings for him went away and to be honest, I don't think that there were ever feelings for him. I went against all my senses (common sense, being one of them) and just manipulated myself into liking him. When I thought, all hope was lost...it happened. I was recently talking to my sister and she told me that there was always that one person at the back of my mind and I had never let go of him. I knew she was right and it's true...I've never let go of him. Not once. I lived a life pretending that he was gone, but he never was.

Have you ever had someone just linger in your mind for several years and you've just gone on to live your life without ever letting them go? This guy has never been in a relationship with me nor have we ever interacted enough to categorize it as a friendship. To be honest, ladies, he's just been there. Lingering. Just there. 

We lived separate lives--parallel is the word that suits this "relationship". We haven't gone anywhere. We're both still single. And we both haven't gone into a real relationship. Whenever I see him, I always become my eleven year-old self...my heart pounds into my chest, a rouge hue burns into my cheeks, and my gaze instantly looks to the ground. I know it sounds pathetic, but I never considered pursuing him. I just liked him. There was always a special place in my heart for him. And I'm not just bringing him up to make up for the Harvey-less life. Because I'm definitely over Harvey. But I've noticed a pattern...no matter what, no matter who, my feelings for this guy are always there.  There's just something different about him, but I just can't say what it is. 


I feel that maybe this is the guy. Not the ONE. But I'm open to the possibility. I don't know what I'm going to do now that I'm all grown up. I was eleven when I first liked him and there was no way that I was going to do anything about it then. Now it's different. It's just...I don't know what to do, and I always somehow know what to do. Not anymore. All these years and I'm just going to talk to him? I don't know. Sure, Facebook's a place to communicate, but what about outside of Facebook? I don't want him to be the "what if" guy. I also don't want him to be creeped out when he finds that I've had feelings for him for all these years. Maybe I'll just continue to live my life until the time is right...then again, when is it ever right? Maybe I'll take it slow -- maybe this time when our eyes meet, I won't look down. Maybe when we bump into each other I will say hi. Maybe when we see each other across the street I'll smile. Little things add up, don't they?

For now, I'll start blogging more often. I'll take things day to day. And a big thanks to those who haven't given up on me as a blogger. I appreciate it! 

Much Love ,

V

Expecations, Expectations

It’s time to wake up. There’s so much more out there to live for than that one person that you’ve been waiting for. If we can’t experience life, we can’t experience love. We need to drop our expectations of a guy and not be afraid of getting our hearts broken. I was listening to the radio today and I heard something that opened my eyes to how humans need to act. Sure, we've evolved into this intelligent being that thinks and feels things that other species can't. But sometimes, thinking too much and being too emotional can get in the way of our perception of life. We approach people, guys especially with expectations and a shield of knowledge from our past experiences. And we don't even give them a chance to prove anything. Once he does something that some guy that we dealt with before, we drop him. Or if he resembles that guy we fell in love with once, we open our hearts right away. We don't ever let the truth set in. If we did, then maybe we wouldn't be missing the opportunities that life throws at us. And that's why this radio commercial changed my views, it said:

Be more like dogs, because dogs are non-judgemental. They always start a relationship with a human being with no expectations--except that they will be nice. (People for the Good)

And that's why we need to just be expect for the good, instead of expecting for the bad. 

Chick flicks and chick lit tells us to be wary of those "types" of guys. We categorize them, we judge them, before anything. Sometimes, it's good going into a relationship with a blindfold, instead of going at them with a set of guidelines. Think about it, guys also have a set of guidelines and could be acting on those. If he acts like a jerk at first, it may be that he's just trying to impress you or try to show off his personality. It's stepping stones. We don't just give him that first pitch and strike one he's out. Obviously, he's made numerous mistakes or disrespects you--he's not worth your time. But you got to give a guy a chance, he could be as nervous as you are, but he's being all cocky to mask away his nerves. Get to know him a little.

You know, I look at some guys as charity cases. Well at least, that's what my sister says. I always try to look for the good in a bad person, and somehow think that I can take all the bad things away. Of course, everyone has flaws and we need to accept them or help them out. But we can't always change a person with our love and care. Sometimes, they're full of shit that we can't fix, but maybe someone else can. We can't fix everything in this world ourselves, we need other people to fix it. We all try to maintain order and try to cover the chaotic with our knowledge, but our world is an environment of chaos...we just need to accept that it is. We can't fix every single person. We're just one speck on this planet, and we are agents of our own stories. But we need to stop thinking about how to write our stories in our heads, we've got to live our stories. We will experience some things that we can find in a movie or a television show, but you know what the difference is? We can feel it, all we need to do is savour it. But how can we, if we've got these guidelines or warnings in our heads? You can't. 

That's why I'm asking all of you...let go of your set of expectations. Don't plan things to make things happen, just let life happen. And I will promise you, I will do the same. I'm not perfect and I don't have all the answers on how to make a relationship successful. We're all in the same boat, and that's what I realized today. So let's do it, let's start again. 

Lots of love, 

V

Show some LOVE! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE! Or if you're single (like yours truly): HAPPY SINGLES' AWARENESS DAY!

It's sad, isn't it? That no matter how long I'm gone...I seem to just find my way back on Valentine's to blog about this day. You probably think good God, she's moping about how she's got no one. And you know what, it sucks. For some singles, they tend to mask the depression of Valentine's Day and turn it into an Anti-Valentine's Day; scowling at every person that walks by with flowers and chocolate. But hey, if you had a person that would do the same thing for you, you'd be looking forward to this day. If you don't, try harder next year...I'm joking. Listen ladies, every day, a man's got to treat you like it's Valentine's Day. It doesn't take a lot to buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates and order some nice roses, but it's what he says to you that matters. That's what everyone's looking for. Strip off the consumerism and say what you mean on this day. If you don't have anyone, it's ok...there's always next year. You don't need to mope, just wait for the chocolate to go on sale tomorrow. Then maybe, we'll romance our good friend food and romantic movies...with a little box of kleenex.


Lots of Love,

V