The Story of Love and Defeat

"One day, in your search for happiness, you discover a partner by your side, and you realize that your happiness has come to help you search." -Robert Brault

He's getting married -- why am I not excited to see him walk down the aisle and exchange vows to a woman he loves? That's the thing, I'm not sure he loves her. If he did, why didn't he tell me? I'm his best friend, his little sister, his confidante...I didn't need to ask him if it was true, she shook her ringed finger in front of my face, as if she was trying to say, Try Me.

Why do two people get married? When I was a kid, I thought it was a requirement, something to check off on your bucket list. As I grew up though, I realized that it was more than that. I believe that marriage is a diamond in the rough -- something that is worth finding, but hard to find -- and when you have it takes a lot of TLC to make it shine. Then it happened, I met her. I saw how she manipulated me into thinking that they were in love, that she cared for him, that she was the one for him. She took me out. She included me in their daily shinnanigans. I thought she loved me too, just like he did. But she didn't. She took him away from me. Our relationship that I thought was unbreakable, dwindled quickly. First, she needed money for this, then that, then they bought a house. I was so proud. I was still stuck in this fantasy that as long as he was happy, he was going to be OK. It's been a couple of months since I haven't seen him. Usually, we'd talk. Usually, we'd bond. But we don't anymore.

Marriage is something that some women prepare a lifetime for, others do it out of spontaneity -- maybe she got drunk with Johnny one night and married to him by tomorrow. For some women, it's a path to gain something -- reputation, money -- but for some, what they gain is quite simple -- they gain another one to take care of, to love, a hand to hold, a body to cuddle with. That's the word that I was looking for to describe the perfect marriage: Simple. But if you think that buying them their love, appeasing to every command they make, having something that's one sided isn't what marriage is. Having something you want and not what we want is being single.

My key advice to you ladies/gentlemen, don't think about what you'll gain, what you'll lose -- think about the amazing life that you both have ahead. If you feel that you're not sure, no one is ever sure, but it takes a lot to say, "I do." My grandparents met by accident and have lasted for fifty years. But remember, they need to love you back. You need to be realistic. You need to be selfish -- you need to make sure they're not mistreating you. Even if on the day of you're nervous the best indicator is to look into his/her eyes before you become man and wife -- and determine if those are the eyes you want to look into for the rest of your life. Don't think that marriage is a requirement for you to have a successful life-- success, financial gain, are not the prerequisites to marriage. Keep it simple, keep it real. LOVE.


Lots of Love,
V

I Give You A Year

Happy New Year to my beloved readers, to whomever you are out there! I hope that your New Year is filled with joy, happiness, and love, whether be it from an old flame or a new one. 

2012 was a time of misconception and misunderstanding. It was also filled with great skepticism and the unknown. No one exactly knew whether or not the world was going to end, but one thing for sure was that it taught me something. The skepticism that I faced last year, whether or not I didn't believe in the apocalypse, led me to appreciate the little things. I wasn't out finding someone who would love me before the world would hypothetically end, but at the time, I was completely happy being single and spending time with friends and family. I just wanted to bask in the moment, as opposed for looking for the prospective ones. We can't plan ahead and continue our searching as if we're running out of time, because it would seem like we're forcing something out of nothing. 

People are impatient. They want to believe that love will happen when you're searching, but it doesn't. I know many of these types of people, and those who are in relationships now share a different story. They came to an understanding that love just doesn't happen when you're carefully planning each moment, each step...it happens when you're totally unaware. Confidence is the key to finding a guy, but not just any guy, the good guy. You can get guys anywhere, but it's the good ones that are worth the wait. It's not just waiting, ladies. You don't just wait for someone to land on your doorstep. You don't just go out there and look. Put yourself out there and just enjoy the pleasures of life. How is he going to find you? How are you going to find him? If all you do is sulk at home, worrying about the way you look, or maybe how you're supposed to look...Good luck finding him. He's not going to come to you, unless you bring yourself out...enjoy some food and drinks with your friends. Don't look around for the stolen glance, don't look at your phone to see if the prospective one texts you back, don't preoccupy yourself with how many trips to the gym the food will take to burn...just enjoy the time that you are having with the people who care about you. When you think yourself as not good enough for a guy, don't ever forget that he may not be good enough for you. 

Women keep thinking about their appearances and how being stick thin will attract only the best. In "best" what do you mean? The "best" looks or the "best" personality? The guy who will love you will be the "best" when he accepts the real you. Let it be about YOU this year. It was never about him...it's about you. And if you don't have faith in yourself...don't expect a guy who has faith in himself either. I'm asking you to give 2013 a chance for YOU. Just do what you feel like doing.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power.  You just take it.  ~Roseanne Barr

Lots of Love, 
Miss V