This Is Fact, Not Fiction

Dear Valerie,

In response to your comment below, I would just like everyone to know that I wasn't "burnt" in anyway. That blog post was merely for amusement, and had nothing to do with my current situation...and did not mention what it was. You would have to know me, if you did. (I like using pseudonyms too!) Just please tell it to my face, rather than announcing to the world that I was burnt...(stole my thunder, girl! Jokes!). It's brilliant, but some parts are wrong about what's going in my life.

My situation isn't something that I was hoping for when I first met Harvey. I thought he was single, but all along he wasn't. Mmm girl he played ya. Or Valerie, in your words I was "burnt". If he did (or not) play me, I was also a perpetrator. We were NEVER in a relationship. We were, at the time I found out, friends. And that's what he still is to me, even now...and nothing's going to change.

People have to learn how to let go and not stick back and watch their lives burning down to bits. You have learn how to improvise the bitch of a slap that life gives you. And I'm not justifying his actions, at all. He was wrong. I was wrong. But in reality, we have to make do. We need to look how to improve ourselves. This blog is here to help girls to improve themselves, by not some "perfect" bitch who is the relationship guru...I'm just like all of you. I learn things from my mistakes and sometimes, I don't follow my own advice, ladies. But I do at least try. We're here to help each other, not to tell people "I told you so". I give you my blog, I get your emails/comments and I appreciate them alot...and we work together in order to improve. They help me out a lot too. When we help each other, we help ourselves. And the biggest obstacle is to admit that you were wrong, and ladies, I was wrong about Harvey. Not in liking him or even him liking me. I was wrong in thinking that he was going to be mine, because from the start he never was. And no, I don't regret liking him. To me, I never regret anything, I always look at it in a way that would benefit me. Mistakes are what build character, and owning up to them is one of the hardest things to overcome.

Even if he did like me, even if he did have a girlfriend--- I'm not pursuing him anymore. It's wrong and it makes you feel like shit when you interfere with someone else's happiness. Though, I know it's not like he's married, I will stay by his side as a friend (with some feelings left for him). He's helped me out a lot. And there was never a break-up, because there was nothing to break -- it only implied a continuation of a friendship. The "Pursuit of Harveyness" is not over, in a sense that I'm pursuing him for a relationship. All I want is nothing but a friendship. And I have that now, I'm glad I do. My feelings will remain the same, but I'm sure that I'll move on. I've moved on before and I'm capable of doing it again.

So Valerie, I really appreciate your concern and the best wishes. Thank you! I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but will be more willing to help other people with theirs. For now, living life with an open-mind and open-heart is not a plan, but a decision I am so willing to make.

Move on. It's just a chapter in the PAST. But don't CLOSE THE BOOK. TURN THE PAGE. 

~ Anonymous.

Lots of Love y'all,

V

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

It's post-break up. There you are, sitting on the couch, tears in your eyes, a tub of Ben & Jerry's in one hand and a spoon in the other, while Adele's Someone Like You (on repeat) plays in the background. You're upset. You question why he broke up with you, all of a fucking sudden. Was it another chick that took his heart away? Did you do something wrong? Or was there not enough chemistry between you two? Who knows what his reasons were. He should have explained when he broke up with you. Don't ever try to figure it out yourself. If you want to find out, then ask. I know it'll be a little awkward, but you never want that heart-wrenching question tugging your mind every-now-and-then. But you know that you'll get over it, because you're better than that. I know you can do it. If anything, it's more than possible.

BUT ladies, I'm not here to tell you that you can do it. There are some of us who don't get over break-ups. There are some of us who are in denial. There are some of us who think that he's still secretly in love with us, and he knows it. Yes, there are people who live in destitution. It does sound scary, but when a girl falls in love, there are times when she's very reluctant let go. I want to tell you some of the extremes that girls go through to get their man back, though sometimes successful, it will totally scare the shit out of you and me.

STALKING. One of the many things tactics that girls do, when in denial. After a relationship, you know a lot about a guy: where he works, his favorite hangouts, maybe where his buddies live, his parents house, and of his humble abode (sometimes could count as his parents house). Now, the ex-boyfriend stalkers typically corner their former men in these specific places, sometimes scaring the shit out of them. Especially, when she's EVERYWHERE. There will be times when she makes things awkward, when she pulls small-talk. Or there are times, when she watches him from a distance. Sometimes, it's not obvious, because some girls, as crafty as they are, will bring their friends along (without them knowing of her intent). What's the logic, you say? Well look at this way, remember that cliche of a saying: distance makes the heart grow fonder? Well, girls think that maybe after a long time of not seeing someone, the guy will suddenly see her everywhere and maybe his old feelings will resurface...but in most cases (unless you're in a chick-flick), stunts like that won't bring them back.

LIES. LIES. LIES. (and more LIES.) Yes, making up insane stories about your current living conditions, is one of the many ways girls think they can get their guy back. It's a matter of telling them a heart-wrenching story about you, and hoping for the best. Some guys have gotten pregnancy scares, a death of a family member, becoming terminally ill with some incurable disease. Some are quite worse than the aforementioned...some girls tell the craziest shit, as if it was coming in from a movie. Hey, we're the pretty crafty sex, when it comes to story-telling. Again, what's the reason for their thinking? Come to think of it, the girl wants attention, she wants someone to care for her again. But they don't really think of the end results? What do I mean? I mean, when the truth comes out. What if your "deceased" mother appears at a family function? Or what if you're apparent "six months to live" is up and the guy wants an explanation? Telling a lie, is far worse than telling the truth. The more you prolong that, the more he will get hurt. And from then on, if something bad happens in your life, he won't ever believe you, even if it was true.

PRETENDING THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP ISN'T OVER. Apart from the lies, this one is the worst. Some girls make themselves believe that it still isn't over. To them, they're still in a relationship. And they tell everyone that they're still together. The guy doesn't have to be in her life, for this to work. He's just on a "break" from this relationship, and he will come back. It's all a matter of pretending that he's still in your life....even though, he actually isn't.

No matter how you cope with your break-up, we all feel the same way when that moment actually happens. Some girls take it easy, some girls...not so much. Just so you girls know, you've always got girlfriends to lend you a shoulder to cry on (just don't abuse it). I know, it sucks to be alone, when for the most part, you had someone by your side for so long. Everyone knows that there's got to be some point in time when you're going to get hurt, even without knowing it. Just enjoy what you had, and move on, even it takes baby steps. Just remember, when you're in denial, you're invading the guys privacy. He could be the biggest jerk of life or he could be having a hard time with the break up too. Just don't forget that you got to move on. Don't ever regret things, because they make you who you are today. Moving on, is easier said than done, but you're bound to find another guy who is willing to love you even more! And the first step to getting one? Moving on...

Much love, 

V