Expecations, Expectations

It’s time to wake up. There’s so much more out there to live for than that one person that you’ve been waiting for. If we can’t experience life, we can’t experience love. We need to drop our expectations of a guy and not be afraid of getting our hearts broken. I was listening to the radio today and I heard something that opened my eyes to how humans need to act. Sure, we've evolved into this intelligent being that thinks and feels things that other species can't. But sometimes, thinking too much and being too emotional can get in the way of our perception of life. We approach people, guys especially with expectations and a shield of knowledge from our past experiences. And we don't even give them a chance to prove anything. Once he does something that some guy that we dealt with before, we drop him. Or if he resembles that guy we fell in love with once, we open our hearts right away. We don't ever let the truth set in. If we did, then maybe we wouldn't be missing the opportunities that life throws at us. And that's why this radio commercial changed my views, it said:

Be more like dogs, because dogs are non-judgemental. They always start a relationship with a human being with no expectations--except that they will be nice. (People for the Good)

And that's why we need to just be expect for the good, instead of expecting for the bad. 

Chick flicks and chick lit tells us to be wary of those "types" of guys. We categorize them, we judge them, before anything. Sometimes, it's good going into a relationship with a blindfold, instead of going at them with a set of guidelines. Think about it, guys also have a set of guidelines and could be acting on those. If he acts like a jerk at first, it may be that he's just trying to impress you or try to show off his personality. It's stepping stones. We don't just give him that first pitch and strike one he's out. Obviously, he's made numerous mistakes or disrespects you--he's not worth your time. But you got to give a guy a chance, he could be as nervous as you are, but he's being all cocky to mask away his nerves. Get to know him a little.

You know, I look at some guys as charity cases. Well at least, that's what my sister says. I always try to look for the good in a bad person, and somehow think that I can take all the bad things away. Of course, everyone has flaws and we need to accept them or help them out. But we can't always change a person with our love and care. Sometimes, they're full of shit that we can't fix, but maybe someone else can. We can't fix everything in this world ourselves, we need other people to fix it. We all try to maintain order and try to cover the chaotic with our knowledge, but our world is an environment of chaos...we just need to accept that it is. We can't fix every single person. We're just one speck on this planet, and we are agents of our own stories. But we need to stop thinking about how to write our stories in our heads, we've got to live our stories. We will experience some things that we can find in a movie or a television show, but you know what the difference is? We can feel it, all we need to do is savour it. But how can we, if we've got these guidelines or warnings in our heads? You can't. 

That's why I'm asking all of you...let go of your set of expectations. Don't plan things to make things happen, just let life happen. And I will promise you, I will do the same. I'm not perfect and I don't have all the answers on how to make a relationship successful. We're all in the same boat, and that's what I realized today. So let's do it, let's start again. 

Lots of love, 

V

Show some LOVE! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE! Or if you're single (like yours truly): HAPPY SINGLES' AWARENESS DAY!

It's sad, isn't it? That no matter how long I'm gone...I seem to just find my way back on Valentine's to blog about this day. You probably think good God, she's moping about how she's got no one. And you know what, it sucks. For some singles, they tend to mask the depression of Valentine's Day and turn it into an Anti-Valentine's Day; scowling at every person that walks by with flowers and chocolate. But hey, if you had a person that would do the same thing for you, you'd be looking forward to this day. If you don't, try harder next year...I'm joking. Listen ladies, every day, a man's got to treat you like it's Valentine's Day. It doesn't take a lot to buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates and order some nice roses, but it's what he says to you that matters. That's what everyone's looking for. Strip off the consumerism and say what you mean on this day. If you don't have anyone, it's ok...there's always next year. You don't need to mope, just wait for the chocolate to go on sale tomorrow. Then maybe, we'll romance our good friend food and romantic movies...with a little box of kleenex.


Lots of Love,

V

This Is Fact, Not Fiction

Dear Valerie,

In response to your comment below, I would just like everyone to know that I wasn't "burnt" in anyway. That blog post was merely for amusement, and had nothing to do with my current situation...and did not mention what it was. You would have to know me, if you did. (I like using pseudonyms too!) Just please tell it to my face, rather than announcing to the world that I was burnt...(stole my thunder, girl! Jokes!). It's brilliant, but some parts are wrong about what's going in my life.

My situation isn't something that I was hoping for when I first met Harvey. I thought he was single, but all along he wasn't. Mmm girl he played ya. Or Valerie, in your words I was "burnt". If he did (or not) play me, I was also a perpetrator. We were NEVER in a relationship. We were, at the time I found out, friends. And that's what he still is to me, even now...and nothing's going to change.

People have to learn how to let go and not stick back and watch their lives burning down to bits. You have learn how to improvise the bitch of a slap that life gives you. And I'm not justifying his actions, at all. He was wrong. I was wrong. But in reality, we have to make do. We need to look how to improve ourselves. This blog is here to help girls to improve themselves, by not some "perfect" bitch who is the relationship guru...I'm just like all of you. I learn things from my mistakes and sometimes, I don't follow my own advice, ladies. But I do at least try. We're here to help each other, not to tell people "I told you so". I give you my blog, I get your emails/comments and I appreciate them alot...and we work together in order to improve. They help me out a lot too. When we help each other, we help ourselves. And the biggest obstacle is to admit that you were wrong, and ladies, I was wrong about Harvey. Not in liking him or even him liking me. I was wrong in thinking that he was going to be mine, because from the start he never was. And no, I don't regret liking him. To me, I never regret anything, I always look at it in a way that would benefit me. Mistakes are what build character, and owning up to them is one of the hardest things to overcome.

Even if he did like me, even if he did have a girlfriend--- I'm not pursuing him anymore. It's wrong and it makes you feel like shit when you interfere with someone else's happiness. Though, I know it's not like he's married, I will stay by his side as a friend (with some feelings left for him). He's helped me out a lot. And there was never a break-up, because there was nothing to break -- it only implied a continuation of a friendship. The "Pursuit of Harveyness" is not over, in a sense that I'm pursuing him for a relationship. All I want is nothing but a friendship. And I have that now, I'm glad I do. My feelings will remain the same, but I'm sure that I'll move on. I've moved on before and I'm capable of doing it again.

So Valerie, I really appreciate your concern and the best wishes. Thank you! I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but will be more willing to help other people with theirs. For now, living life with an open-mind and open-heart is not a plan, but a decision I am so willing to make.

Move on. It's just a chapter in the PAST. But don't CLOSE THE BOOK. TURN THE PAGE. 

~ Anonymous.

Lots of Love y'all,

V

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

It's post-break up. There you are, sitting on the couch, tears in your eyes, a tub of Ben & Jerry's in one hand and a spoon in the other, while Adele's Someone Like You (on repeat) plays in the background. You're upset. You question why he broke up with you, all of a fucking sudden. Was it another chick that took his heart away? Did you do something wrong? Or was there not enough chemistry between you two? Who knows what his reasons were. He should have explained when he broke up with you. Don't ever try to figure it out yourself. If you want to find out, then ask. I know it'll be a little awkward, but you never want that heart-wrenching question tugging your mind every-now-and-then. But you know that you'll get over it, because you're better than that. I know you can do it. If anything, it's more than possible.

BUT ladies, I'm not here to tell you that you can do it. There are some of us who don't get over break-ups. There are some of us who are in denial. There are some of us who think that he's still secretly in love with us, and he knows it. Yes, there are people who live in destitution. It does sound scary, but when a girl falls in love, there are times when she's very reluctant let go. I want to tell you some of the extremes that girls go through to get their man back, though sometimes successful, it will totally scare the shit out of you and me.

STALKING. One of the many things tactics that girls do, when in denial. After a relationship, you know a lot about a guy: where he works, his favorite hangouts, maybe where his buddies live, his parents house, and of his humble abode (sometimes could count as his parents house). Now, the ex-boyfriend stalkers typically corner their former men in these specific places, sometimes scaring the shit out of them. Especially, when she's EVERYWHERE. There will be times when she makes things awkward, when she pulls small-talk. Or there are times, when she watches him from a distance. Sometimes, it's not obvious, because some girls, as crafty as they are, will bring their friends along (without them knowing of her intent). What's the logic, you say? Well look at this way, remember that cliche of a saying: distance makes the heart grow fonder? Well, girls think that maybe after a long time of not seeing someone, the guy will suddenly see her everywhere and maybe his old feelings will resurface...but in most cases (unless you're in a chick-flick), stunts like that won't bring them back.

LIES. LIES. LIES. (and more LIES.) Yes, making up insane stories about your current living conditions, is one of the many ways girls think they can get their guy back. It's a matter of telling them a heart-wrenching story about you, and hoping for the best. Some guys have gotten pregnancy scares, a death of a family member, becoming terminally ill with some incurable disease. Some are quite worse than the aforementioned...some girls tell the craziest shit, as if it was coming in from a movie. Hey, we're the pretty crafty sex, when it comes to story-telling. Again, what's the reason for their thinking? Come to think of it, the girl wants attention, she wants someone to care for her again. But they don't really think of the end results? What do I mean? I mean, when the truth comes out. What if your "deceased" mother appears at a family function? Or what if you're apparent "six months to live" is up and the guy wants an explanation? Telling a lie, is far worse than telling the truth. The more you prolong that, the more he will get hurt. And from then on, if something bad happens in your life, he won't ever believe you, even if it was true.

PRETENDING THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP ISN'T OVER. Apart from the lies, this one is the worst. Some girls make themselves believe that it still isn't over. To them, they're still in a relationship. And they tell everyone that they're still together. The guy doesn't have to be in her life, for this to work. He's just on a "break" from this relationship, and he will come back. It's all a matter of pretending that he's still in your life....even though, he actually isn't.

No matter how you cope with your break-up, we all feel the same way when that moment actually happens. Some girls take it easy, some girls...not so much. Just so you girls know, you've always got girlfriends to lend you a shoulder to cry on (just don't abuse it). I know, it sucks to be alone, when for the most part, you had someone by your side for so long. Everyone knows that there's got to be some point in time when you're going to get hurt, even without knowing it. Just enjoy what you had, and move on, even it takes baby steps. Just remember, when you're in denial, you're invading the guys privacy. He could be the biggest jerk of life or he could be having a hard time with the break up too. Just don't forget that you got to move on. Don't ever regret things, because they make you who you are today. Moving on, is easier said than done, but you're bound to find another guy who is willing to love you even more! And the first step to getting one? Moving on...

Much love, 

V 

Have Yourself Another Dream Tonight

I'm going to try something new. Instead of ranting, I would just like to address a few things through a letter. To whom? To the broken-hearted girl/guy. So here it goes....

To the Broken-Hearted,

 I know it's over, right? You felt like you were living life in full throttle and that there was no going downhill from there. Your whole existence was dedicated to living with this wonderful person you've found or had found you. And you know, being in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world. You feel invincible, like nothing is going to bring you down, because you found this amazing human being. In your world, the impossible just became the possible. You found your little piece of heaven in this world of chaos. You found the person that you could potentially spend the all of your life with. And all your friends are so jealous about this new-found happiness. They always tell you how lucky you are to have this person and to call them yours. You have the single people sneering at you, because they want the same thing, they want what you have and for some reason, in your mind, you seem to be the only person to have him/her. We live in this world where we constantly adjust our lifestyles to what people want us to have, but this individual fell in love with YOU and that's when your self-confidence boosts. This experience is so life-changing that you feel like a new person. 

And then it hits you...or you hit it. The brick wall in the relationship. The fork in the road. Where you must decide whether or not it's the right thing...you and that person. Your significant other could hit this path before you do. Here you are at one point in time, where you're dissecting this relationship...and you could either break through this wall and forget that you didn't even hit it...or you could just stop there. There, your version of paradise is over. Your world crashes. And the last thing you want to hear from that person that you told everything, that you gave your whole life to, is that they never loved you. Or it could be vice versa. You're numbed by the fact, that all this time was wasted. Sometimes you're in denial. Sure, the relationship didn't work out. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wasn't for you. Maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe it lacked the chemistry. Whatever it is, just know, cherish memories both good and bad. If you're in denial that it's over, you're living in this dream world where one day he's going to realize that he's missing out. It could be true. But he could've moved on already. For those assholes, who had no reason to break up with their significant other, who just did it for the sake of it...you just took that person for granted. People shouldn't be at your disposal, because once it happens to you, you'll realize how it feels to feel like shit.

Please make sure they don't come running back into your arms. Don't make it easy for them. Show them that the hell that they put you through made you a better person. I know that the tears, the temper tantrums, the random outbursts, the self-hate that person brought about after they ruined your life, were hard to forget. And even if you've survived your life without them,  there will be a point in time where you two will meet again. And there will be a point in time, where you'll question if it was right to put them aside. And there will be a point in time, where you want them back, where you go weak in the knees...where you want to go crawling back to them. What your after  is not actually them...it's that happiness that they put you through. But you know what I've learned? It's in the past and once a scar has appeared, it can never be erased. No matter how much anti-scarring ointment you put on it...it's still there.

Here's my theory, once you experience falling in love, then heartbreak, you always keep that memory of happiness and you spend the rest of your life trying to find the exact same thing. Well, I say break away. Keep the past in the past. Because once you find the next person, you'll experience happiness two times harder than before. So look forward to the future. It's going to be much happier. The next person is even more special than the last...he/she carried you out from all the sorrow you've experienced from your previous relationship. 

Or it could be a different scenario. It could turn out that this brick wall, is just one obstacle that you have to face in your relationship and that maybe it will take time to heal. Maybe it wasn't the right time for either of you. But if that's the case, there's no excuse for you to look forward to the future. 

I know it's going to be a hard first few months. But it's going to get better, if you believe that it will. 

Lots of Love, 

V 

*****Dedicated******To all my friends, readers, who have experienced heartbreak...you're not alone.

The Person Falling Here Is Me

Standards. We all have them. Both sides have different standards. And this is what I was talking about with Harvey yesterday. You are probably saying, this bitch hasn't even been on her blog for a long time and hasn't even given us anything since I don't know, June? And now she's telling us about standards? First off, I would like to apologize. Life has just happened, people. I'm not the best blogger in the world, I know! Lately, I've been working on finding myself. Sounds trivial, right? But I've just been living life without thinking of what to say, what kind of person I have to be. Because you know what I realized? If we all live in this magical world of pretending, we're never going to find that person that we want to end up with for the rest of our lives. We will find ourselves the person that the pretend you wanted, not the real you. And what's the point? You won't find happiness there. You will at first, but life-long happiness is very rare. It really is.

And here I am. Living life as me. Not someone from a chick-flick or some Jane Austen novel. I'm happy and Harvey is still here in my life. And yes, we were talking about standards. And no, we're still not together (I know, right). But you know what? I'm happy where I am, even though, I want this guy so bad, I'm afraid of losing this relationship that we have now if I tell him my true feelings for him. So what were these standards? Well to be honest, Harvey didn't talk about his standards, he just listened to mine. I was just saying that my standards are not high, but not low, mind you. I explained that chick flicks fuck up a girl's mind...even chick lit...I mean, who doesn't want Mr. Darcy? Because I do. But realistically, I know, we won't find Mr. Darcy, but we'll find someone close to it. Did you know what I really needed to say to him? My standard is you. You're perfect, in my way. You're my version of a Mr. Darcy or a Rochester. Actually, you're better than any of those guys there. But of course, the sad and proud person I am, I didn't say it. I really wanted to. It was killing me inside. So now I'm here blogging about it, but I honestly do miss this. Please my dear readers, keep reading. I'm not giving up on blogging, nor am I giving up on being a hopeless romantic and never on Harvey...please bare with me! I will write soon, promise. 

LOL, 

V

Marching On

"Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about." - Anonymous

Don't ever let that one person who broke your heart years ago stop you from pursuing someone you want to date. Don't punish yourself for something that wasn't your fault. If you keep up with that, reality is, you will find yourself alone. Just let go of the past, no matter how hard it is to forget, the only way to find a guy is to completely start anew. Don't compare your ex to the new guy in your life, that just means you haven't let go yet. Trust me, it won't help you at all. Wipe the slate clean, ladies!

Lots of love,

V