No Regrets, Just Love

 "The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

When you experience death of a loved one for the first time, you realize that our time here on earth is limited, that we have to make the best of it, and that we need to cherish those around us. I know that this blog is all about relationships, but familial relationships are just important as the ones we look for in a significant other. 

My Great Aunt was a person who loved others, especially her family, more than she had loved herself. She was generous, kind, and always had a smile on her face. Her laugh was infectious. Her perspective of life was something that I had always tried to live by. She enjoyed life in each moment. She would fight sadness and life's curveballs with laughter. For such a happy person, we didn't realize that deep inside she was troubled. She bottled up her emotions and opinions of certain issues. She kept it from everyone, even her own children. That's why her health dwindled and we were all surprised that someone like her could die at such a young age.

Despite the emotional roller coaster that I've been on these past couple of days, I know that she's in a better place with nothing to worry about. Her happiness, her love, and her infinite passion for life will live on through the people that she was fortunate to meet. 

As individuals, we learn from every person that we encounter, whether or not they are good or bad. And no matter how short of a relationship we have with each other, whether it be mere seconds, a minute, a day, a decade, we'll always have something to learn. Our hearts are made up of different pieces, different encounters, and we should cherish each, even if they're gone. 

Rest in Peace to my dear great aunt. I love you so much. I know you'll be there, watching over all of us. 

Lots of Love, 
V 

Friends are Forever

 “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”
― Alice Walker

Have you ever felt like your friendships depended on whether or not either of you have a guy in your lives? Do you feel like you're the only one who's working on this relationship and the other person isn't? 

As a blogger on relationships, I don't mind including familial relations and platonic ones in my writing. Honestly, our life is one huge web of relationships and no matter who we hide from, we're all connected in this big circle called life.

Now, on the topic of friendship...What is it that make friends stick together like two peas in a pod? Life. Life is the glue that sticks us together. To depend on each other is a human condition. But if you're hanging out with the people who nod their heads in agreement to every fact and opinion of your life--maybe it's time to move on. People who feed on your advice for the hell of it and not even worry about your life -- I mean, if they don't take it seriously, that will affect you in the long run. 

You see, as I said, life is the glue that sticks us all together. No matter what situation you're in, your friends are supposed to be there. Man or no man in your life, your friendship should last. If not, then there's a problem. What we've got here is a condition that people call, "We're two peas in a pod, only if there's a guy in the equation." And honestly, it raises a red flag on your friendship. If you, as friends, depend on each other only if there's some juicy details about your love life, I wouldn't consider it as a friendship. It would be more like an acquaintance.

It's sad, you know. You get out of high school, believing that every single person you take a picture with on your graduation day will stay in your lives. Sometimes, you let go of the good friendships for a toxic one. And you live your life regretting the people you decided to keep and the people you decided to let go. Sometimes, we ditch the people who actually care for us for the "yes" people. The people who praise you, who tell you that you're their besties, but who hide when you need someone to defend you. Relationships will come and go, but friends are forever. 

And you need to find those friends that are forever. Not the ones who keep in touch with you when there's a guy around. Not the ones who tell you what to do, to think, and to feel. Not the ones who make you choose who you're allowed to hang around with. Not the ones who can't last a conversation without talking about a guy. Not the ones who worship you, but in a second, are ashamed of you. It's the people who don't have to hang out with you every day, but feel like it when you get together again. It's the people who love you for you and accept the people around you. It shouldn't be one thing that sticks you two together. It should be life. 

Whether or not you're in these situations, you need to think about yourself sometimes. You need to be selfish, never selfless. 

You need to let yourself grow. And you need to let go. 

Trust me, when you get to a point in your life when you're surrounded by people who only care about you when there's no guy in their lives -- sometimes you just want to give up on your faith in humanity. But there's hope--it's never too late to make friends. It's never too late to make a friendship last forever. You have a lifetime. 
 
Lots of love, 
 V 

Love Never Dies

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
― Anaïs Nin

Hello Readers, I'm back! It's been a long time since I've gone on this blog. I've experienced so many things in my life that made me think about what the purpose is for this blog. How is it that I can always come back and open up to you all about my trials and triumphs? Well, today I've come back with a new insight. 

Lately, I've become so cynical about love. It's gotten me frightened to no end, because like life, it's very complicated. Sometimes, you got to hate love for making you do the stupid things you do. Sometimes, we don't realize that the love we're desiring for isn't found in a significant other or a prospective one. We can find it in family, and if we can't find love in the most simplest avenues of our lives, it'll be harder for us to find the love that we deserve. 

Love is found everywhere, especially in family. No matter what life throws at you, they'll back you up and will love you for who you are. If you don't accept the love of your family, whether be it friends, colleagues, or classmates, you won't be able to find that particular type of love in another person, because you'll be blind to it. 

Was your heart broken recently? Do you find that you can't find anyone else as good as that guy? Did you think he's the one? Listen carefully, there's someone else out there. He may or may not come back. There's endless possibilities to this scenario. But one thing's for certain -- don't take for granted the support the system you have. There, you will find people who care about you, who listen to every word (even if they're sick and tired of hearing it), who will make you smile when you think that no one can make you, and who will love you for you. These people, my dear readers, are the people that we all take for granted. Love will always be around you. Love will only die if you are blind to the people who show you their love for you. You will heal. You will find someone new, maybe someone from your past, but you will not get through without these people. Family, whether or not they're related to you, is love.

 Love is like the legendary phoenix. Amidst the ashes, there's hope...but that's only if you see it that way. Don't let it die, just find it elsewhere. This will allow you to heal, to grow, to make you stronger. 

You'll get there, my loves. Take care always.

Lots of Love, 
V 

MY LOVE AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO THOSE AFFECTED IN BOSTON AND TEXAS.

The Story of Love and Defeat

"One day, in your search for happiness, you discover a partner by your side, and you realize that your happiness has come to help you search." -Robert Brault

He's getting married -- why am I not excited to see him walk down the aisle and exchange vows to a woman he loves? That's the thing, I'm not sure he loves her. If he did, why didn't he tell me? I'm his best friend, his little sister, his confidante...I didn't need to ask him if it was true, she shook her ringed finger in front of my face, as if she was trying to say, Try Me.

Why do two people get married? When I was a kid, I thought it was a requirement, something to check off on your bucket list. As I grew up though, I realized that it was more than that. I believe that marriage is a diamond in the rough -- something that is worth finding, but hard to find -- and when you have it takes a lot of TLC to make it shine. Then it happened, I met her. I saw how she manipulated me into thinking that they were in love, that she cared for him, that she was the one for him. She took me out. She included me in their daily shinnanigans. I thought she loved me too, just like he did. But she didn't. She took him away from me. Our relationship that I thought was unbreakable, dwindled quickly. First, she needed money for this, then that, then they bought a house. I was so proud. I was still stuck in this fantasy that as long as he was happy, he was going to be OK. It's been a couple of months since I haven't seen him. Usually, we'd talk. Usually, we'd bond. But we don't anymore.

Marriage is something that some women prepare a lifetime for, others do it out of spontaneity -- maybe she got drunk with Johnny one night and married to him by tomorrow. For some women, it's a path to gain something -- reputation, money -- but for some, what they gain is quite simple -- they gain another one to take care of, to love, a hand to hold, a body to cuddle with. That's the word that I was looking for to describe the perfect marriage: Simple. But if you think that buying them their love, appeasing to every command they make, having something that's one sided isn't what marriage is. Having something you want and not what we want is being single.

My key advice to you ladies/gentlemen, don't think about what you'll gain, what you'll lose -- think about the amazing life that you both have ahead. If you feel that you're not sure, no one is ever sure, but it takes a lot to say, "I do." My grandparents met by accident and have lasted for fifty years. But remember, they need to love you back. You need to be realistic. You need to be selfish -- you need to make sure they're not mistreating you. Even if on the day of you're nervous the best indicator is to look into his/her eyes before you become man and wife -- and determine if those are the eyes you want to look into for the rest of your life. Don't think that marriage is a requirement for you to have a successful life-- success, financial gain, are not the prerequisites to marriage. Keep it simple, keep it real. LOVE.


Lots of Love,
V

I Give You A Year

Happy New Year to my beloved readers, to whomever you are out there! I hope that your New Year is filled with joy, happiness, and love, whether be it from an old flame or a new one. 

2012 was a time of misconception and misunderstanding. It was also filled with great skepticism and the unknown. No one exactly knew whether or not the world was going to end, but one thing for sure was that it taught me something. The skepticism that I faced last year, whether or not I didn't believe in the apocalypse, led me to appreciate the little things. I wasn't out finding someone who would love me before the world would hypothetically end, but at the time, I was completely happy being single and spending time with friends and family. I just wanted to bask in the moment, as opposed for looking for the prospective ones. We can't plan ahead and continue our searching as if we're running out of time, because it would seem like we're forcing something out of nothing. 

People are impatient. They want to believe that love will happen when you're searching, but it doesn't. I know many of these types of people, and those who are in relationships now share a different story. They came to an understanding that love just doesn't happen when you're carefully planning each moment, each step...it happens when you're totally unaware. Confidence is the key to finding a guy, but not just any guy, the good guy. You can get guys anywhere, but it's the good ones that are worth the wait. It's not just waiting, ladies. You don't just wait for someone to land on your doorstep. You don't just go out there and look. Put yourself out there and just enjoy the pleasures of life. How is he going to find you? How are you going to find him? If all you do is sulk at home, worrying about the way you look, or maybe how you're supposed to look...Good luck finding him. He's not going to come to you, unless you bring yourself out...enjoy some food and drinks with your friends. Don't look around for the stolen glance, don't look at your phone to see if the prospective one texts you back, don't preoccupy yourself with how many trips to the gym the food will take to burn...just enjoy the time that you are having with the people who care about you. When you think yourself as not good enough for a guy, don't ever forget that he may not be good enough for you. 

Women keep thinking about their appearances and how being stick thin will attract only the best. In "best" what do you mean? The "best" looks or the "best" personality? The guy who will love you will be the "best" when he accepts the real you. Let it be about YOU this year. It was never about him...it's about you. And if you don't have faith in yourself...don't expect a guy who has faith in himself either. I'm asking you to give 2013 a chance for YOU. Just do what you feel like doing.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power.  You just take it.  ~Roseanne Barr

Lots of Love, 
Miss V 

Self-Love is the Best Kind of Love

Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first - Carrie Bradshaw 

I'm alone. I look around at the Christmas decorations surrounding me at the malls. What's worse? Me seeing the couples walking around with a cup of hot chocolate and holding hands. They're smiling -- I'm not. I feel awful. Of course I long for the warm embraces, the PDA, and those three addicting words..."I love you." I wish one day that I could be one of those couples in the mall, and I know that I will (just not now).

Honestly, Christmas is the saddest season for singles. However, as much as I feel the same way, I've come to learn to not give a shit anymore. It's not because I'm angry and bitter, but it's just the fact that I need to start being happy for myself. My loves, we're chasing after this dream, this feeling, but we can't get it if we're not happy. For all the times we are mourning for our singledom, we could be enjoying our lives. Happiness is a key into finding love. If we're miserable, guys will not see us as prospective mates, why? Who the well wants to be with a bitter bitch? I certainly don't and I'm sure no one else does either. We need to enjoy the things we do. Join a book club. Maybe go to a pottery class (don't expect a Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore moment to arise from this). Take a walk. Eat at a restaurant by yourselves. If we don't enjoy ourselves, then we're not going to go far. 

Why do we do the things we do? We're looking for that lost gaze. We're looking for that smile across the room. We're looking for him. But it's just going to drive us insane. Trust me, I've been there. People think that if you stop looking for him, he'll surely come to you...and I agree with that. I believe it. Why? We're busy loving ourselves. Enjoying our lives as a single person shows a lot of confidence. And confidence attracts the right guy, because it shows that they're not looking for a one night stand, an exotic beauty, a temporary love -- they're looking for a girl that can stand strong as an independent. We rely on so much on fate and destiny, that we forget that we have a choice. Ladies, gentlemen --whoever you are--enjoy yourself, love yourself, be yourself. You're going to be married for fifty years and maybe more. But when you look back at your singledom crying, hating on the lovers, desperate, confused -- and no happy thoughts...yes, you've come to your senses. You really didn't enjoy yourself, while your man didn't put a ring on it. Once you have kids or a family to manage, you're going to wish to have your independence back. But you can't get it back, because you have responsibilities. If you've enjoyed yourself as much as you had when you were single, you wouldn't be living a life of regret. I'm not saying that marriage becomes a boring institution when it happens, but that in itself, is another journey. But you can't honestly get that if you were not happier before. If you're going to rely on a guy for happiness and pleasure, let me ask you, what will happen if he's gone? What will happen if he decides to leave you? You can't stand alone -- you'll be miserable. But if you were comfortable with being alone before, it might be a different story. Who knows? 

Happiness does not start with a man/woman. Happiness starts with you. Don't you EVER EVER forget. So this Christmas, I ask you just ENJOY yourselves.

I'm not going to make any promises on blogging, I know I'm not a very good blogger! I'm so sorry. 

Lots of Love, 

V

The Life and Woes of a Single Woman

"Emancipation of women has made them lose their mystery." ~ Grace Kelly

What would women do if there was no such thing as men? Would women's lives without men make it easier than what we go through now? Asking myself these questions, I begin to wonder whether or not living without men is possible. I mean we wouldn't be fighting over them, we wouldn't need to die in the corner just waiting for him to call or text back, or maybe we wouldn't have to worry about getting married or having kids. We could focus on anything that we want, instead of reminding ourselves about what Tim did with this other girl. No, we would just be ourselves. Sounds like a better world, right? 

But ladies, we shouldn't be wishing for a world just full of women. We don't need to get rid of men, because they cause us all this havoc. Sometimes, it's our faults. For the past few weeks, I've been struggling with just about everything. Confusion has become my best friend. Only yesterday was when I saw the truth. I've been talking to a lot of girlfriends recently and all of them are amazing. It's just that sometimes, I find that some of my friendships have been based on guys and how we struggle without them. Being single is a nightmare. And for sure it is, but how can we enjoy our lives when there's someone who's weighing us down...whether or not he/she is actually dating us? We've become consumed with the fact that our life's goal is a Hollywood-founded dream: to get a guy and live with him forever. Our lives revolve around trying to find "The One," when "The One" could be just waiting for something interesting to happen to us. 

When we say that our lives are boring, we actually mean to say: "I'm so alone and no one wants me. Could you help me find someone that I could do everything with?" It just bothers me so much, because what happened to the women in the past rooting for independence and dying for a ballot in the box? What happened to the women who were inspired how other women expressed themselves through words, and not just how they dress? Those women are still out there, but we don't pay attention to those people. They're lives are not interesting enough anymore. I mean people pay more attention to woman who can find fame through sex or through showing her body and not the woman who rose to fame with her intelligence. It's not supposed to be like that, but it is. And to each their own, but I just want to let you ladies know that life is something that we're given. No matter what religion you follow, it's about living life. And how can we do that if it's only based on whether or not this guy asked you out, or what not? It's great, but the thing is...what the hell will you be talking about once you're in a relationship with him? How interesting your life is? Enough said. 

My advice: Live life as interestingly as possible, whether you enjoy riding a bike. Or maybe drawing or even people watching. Life, in all respects, brings you unexpected possibilities when you're not looking. Don't focus on finding someone, focus on yourself first. Trust yourself. Be yourself. Enjoy yourself. A thirty year old friend once said to me, "Once you're thirty and married, you're going to be begging for your singularity back." Freedom is what we wanted and in some parts of the world, that's what we got. Now ladies, embrace being single, once in a while. Because when we don't have it, we're going to want it back. But if we lived a happy life of singledom, we'd be willing enough to live with a significant other. 

Lots of Love, 

V 

Wish You Were Here

“Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that they are all alone in the world, and that nobody loves them now and that nobody will ever love them, and that they will never have a decent night's sleep again and will spend their lives wandering blearily around a loveless landscape, hoping desperately that their circumstances will improve, but suspecting, in their heart of hearts, that they will remain unloved forever. The best thing to do in these circumstances is to wake somebody else up, so that they can feel this way, too.” ~ Lemony Snicket

We were two lost souls living in a fish bowl, year after year. Running the same old ground. What have you found? The same old fears. And that my friends comes from Pink Floyd's song, Wish You Were Here, and you know what? That is probably the best description of our lives right here. The world is this one giant fish bowl and you're doing the best you can to just get by in life. People come and go, but you're still waiting for this one soul to get you out of this routine. And he/she is probably doing the same thing, waiting. It takes this one moment, this one spark to ignite the fire. Though sometimes it feels like it is hopeless and that you'll forever be alone. You're not actually alone. Somewhere in the world, someone's going through the same thing. 

The past few months I've been keeping myself busy to try to get things (not Harvey things) out of my head. It's been really tough and sometimes, you need someone to talk to about it. And I know I've always got my friends, but sometimes you need someone more than that, more than family too.

With all these things going on in my life, there were points when I realized that I was all alone. And that realization got to me -- it just made me feel more lonely. At that moment, I was really vying on finding someone. But I couldn't. Though I didn't even think about Harvey at those moments. Not once did I wish I had Harvey. Surprisingly. It just meant that my feelings for him went away and to be honest, I don't think that there were ever feelings for him. I went against all my senses (common sense, being one of them) and just manipulated myself into liking him. When I thought, all hope was lost...it happened. I was recently talking to my sister and she told me that there was always that one person at the back of my mind and I had never let go of him. I knew she was right and it's true...I've never let go of him. Not once. I lived a life pretending that he was gone, but he never was.

Have you ever had someone just linger in your mind for several years and you've just gone on to live your life without ever letting them go? This guy has never been in a relationship with me nor have we ever interacted enough to categorize it as a friendship. To be honest, ladies, he's just been there. Lingering. Just there. 

We lived separate lives--parallel is the word that suits this "relationship". We haven't gone anywhere. We're both still single. And we both haven't gone into a real relationship. Whenever I see him, I always become my eleven year-old self...my heart pounds into my chest, a rouge hue burns into my cheeks, and my gaze instantly looks to the ground. I know it sounds pathetic, but I never considered pursuing him. I just liked him. There was always a special place in my heart for him. And I'm not just bringing him up to make up for the Harvey-less life. Because I'm definitely over Harvey. But I've noticed a pattern...no matter what, no matter who, my feelings for this guy are always there.  There's just something different about him, but I just can't say what it is. 


I feel that maybe this is the guy. Not the ONE. But I'm open to the possibility. I don't know what I'm going to do now that I'm all grown up. I was eleven when I first liked him and there was no way that I was going to do anything about it then. Now it's different. It's just...I don't know what to do, and I always somehow know what to do. Not anymore. All these years and I'm just going to talk to him? I don't know. Sure, Facebook's a place to communicate, but what about outside of Facebook? I don't want him to be the "what if" guy. I also don't want him to be creeped out when he finds that I've had feelings for him for all these years. Maybe I'll just continue to live my life until the time is right...then again, when is it ever right? Maybe I'll take it slow -- maybe this time when our eyes meet, I won't look down. Maybe when we bump into each other I will say hi. Maybe when we see each other across the street I'll smile. Little things add up, don't they?

For now, I'll start blogging more often. I'll take things day to day. And a big thanks to those who haven't given up on me as a blogger. I appreciate it! 

Much Love ,

V

Expecations, Expectations

It’s time to wake up. There’s so much more out there to live for than that one person that you’ve been waiting for. If we can’t experience life, we can’t experience love. We need to drop our expectations of a guy and not be afraid of getting our hearts broken. I was listening to the radio today and I heard something that opened my eyes to how humans need to act. Sure, we've evolved into this intelligent being that thinks and feels things that other species can't. But sometimes, thinking too much and being too emotional can get in the way of our perception of life. We approach people, guys especially with expectations and a shield of knowledge from our past experiences. And we don't even give them a chance to prove anything. Once he does something that some guy that we dealt with before, we drop him. Or if he resembles that guy we fell in love with once, we open our hearts right away. We don't ever let the truth set in. If we did, then maybe we wouldn't be missing the opportunities that life throws at us. And that's why this radio commercial changed my views, it said:

Be more like dogs, because dogs are non-judgemental. They always start a relationship with a human being with no expectations--except that they will be nice. (People for the Good)

And that's why we need to just be expect for the good, instead of expecting for the bad. 

Chick flicks and chick lit tells us to be wary of those "types" of guys. We categorize them, we judge them, before anything. Sometimes, it's good going into a relationship with a blindfold, instead of going at them with a set of guidelines. Think about it, guys also have a set of guidelines and could be acting on those. If he acts like a jerk at first, it may be that he's just trying to impress you or try to show off his personality. It's stepping stones. We don't just give him that first pitch and strike one he's out. Obviously, he's made numerous mistakes or disrespects you--he's not worth your time. But you got to give a guy a chance, he could be as nervous as you are, but he's being all cocky to mask away his nerves. Get to know him a little.

You know, I look at some guys as charity cases. Well at least, that's what my sister says. I always try to look for the good in a bad person, and somehow think that I can take all the bad things away. Of course, everyone has flaws and we need to accept them or help them out. But we can't always change a person with our love and care. Sometimes, they're full of shit that we can't fix, but maybe someone else can. We can't fix everything in this world ourselves, we need other people to fix it. We all try to maintain order and try to cover the chaotic with our knowledge, but our world is an environment of chaos...we just need to accept that it is. We can't fix every single person. We're just one speck on this planet, and we are agents of our own stories. But we need to stop thinking about how to write our stories in our heads, we've got to live our stories. We will experience some things that we can find in a movie or a television show, but you know what the difference is? We can feel it, all we need to do is savour it. But how can we, if we've got these guidelines or warnings in our heads? You can't. 

That's why I'm asking all of you...let go of your set of expectations. Don't plan things to make things happen, just let life happen. And I will promise you, I will do the same. I'm not perfect and I don't have all the answers on how to make a relationship successful. We're all in the same boat, and that's what I realized today. So let's do it, let's start again. 

Lots of love, 

V

Show some LOVE! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYONE! Or if you're single (like yours truly): HAPPY SINGLES' AWARENESS DAY!

It's sad, isn't it? That no matter how long I'm gone...I seem to just find my way back on Valentine's to blog about this day. You probably think good God, she's moping about how she's got no one. And you know what, it sucks. For some singles, they tend to mask the depression of Valentine's Day and turn it into an Anti-Valentine's Day; scowling at every person that walks by with flowers and chocolate. But hey, if you had a person that would do the same thing for you, you'd be looking forward to this day. If you don't, try harder next year...I'm joking. Listen ladies, every day, a man's got to treat you like it's Valentine's Day. It doesn't take a lot to buy a heart-shaped box of chocolates and order some nice roses, but it's what he says to you that matters. That's what everyone's looking for. Strip off the consumerism and say what you mean on this day. If you don't have anyone, it's ok...there's always next year. You don't need to mope, just wait for the chocolate to go on sale tomorrow. Then maybe, we'll romance our good friend food and romantic movies...with a little box of kleenex.


Lots of Love,

V

This Is Fact, Not Fiction

Dear Valerie,

In response to your comment below, I would just like everyone to know that I wasn't "burnt" in anyway. That blog post was merely for amusement, and had nothing to do with my current situation...and did not mention what it was. You would have to know me, if you did. (I like using pseudonyms too!) Just please tell it to my face, rather than announcing to the world that I was burnt...(stole my thunder, girl! Jokes!). It's brilliant, but some parts are wrong about what's going in my life.

My situation isn't something that I was hoping for when I first met Harvey. I thought he was single, but all along he wasn't. Mmm girl he played ya. Or Valerie, in your words I was "burnt". If he did (or not) play me, I was also a perpetrator. We were NEVER in a relationship. We were, at the time I found out, friends. And that's what he still is to me, even now...and nothing's going to change.

People have to learn how to let go and not stick back and watch their lives burning down to bits. You have learn how to improvise the bitch of a slap that life gives you. And I'm not justifying his actions, at all. He was wrong. I was wrong. But in reality, we have to make do. We need to look how to improve ourselves. This blog is here to help girls to improve themselves, by not some "perfect" bitch who is the relationship guru...I'm just like all of you. I learn things from my mistakes and sometimes, I don't follow my own advice, ladies. But I do at least try. We're here to help each other, not to tell people "I told you so". I give you my blog, I get your emails/comments and I appreciate them alot...and we work together in order to improve. They help me out a lot too. When we help each other, we help ourselves. And the biggest obstacle is to admit that you were wrong, and ladies, I was wrong about Harvey. Not in liking him or even him liking me. I was wrong in thinking that he was going to be mine, because from the start he never was. And no, I don't regret liking him. To me, I never regret anything, I always look at it in a way that would benefit me. Mistakes are what build character, and owning up to them is one of the hardest things to overcome.

Even if he did like me, even if he did have a girlfriend--- I'm not pursuing him anymore. It's wrong and it makes you feel like shit when you interfere with someone else's happiness. Though, I know it's not like he's married, I will stay by his side as a friend (with some feelings left for him). He's helped me out a lot. And there was never a break-up, because there was nothing to break -- it only implied a continuation of a friendship. The "Pursuit of Harveyness" is not over, in a sense that I'm pursuing him for a relationship. All I want is nothing but a friendship. And I have that now, I'm glad I do. My feelings will remain the same, but I'm sure that I'll move on. I've moved on before and I'm capable of doing it again.

So Valerie, I really appreciate your concern and the best wishes. Thank you! I'm not looking for a relationship right now, but will be more willing to help other people with theirs. For now, living life with an open-mind and open-heart is not a plan, but a decision I am so willing to make.

Move on. It's just a chapter in the PAST. But don't CLOSE THE BOOK. TURN THE PAGE. 

~ Anonymous.

Lots of Love y'all,

V

I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

It's post-break up. There you are, sitting on the couch, tears in your eyes, a tub of Ben & Jerry's in one hand and a spoon in the other, while Adele's Someone Like You (on repeat) plays in the background. You're upset. You question why he broke up with you, all of a fucking sudden. Was it another chick that took his heart away? Did you do something wrong? Or was there not enough chemistry between you two? Who knows what his reasons were. He should have explained when he broke up with you. Don't ever try to figure it out yourself. If you want to find out, then ask. I know it'll be a little awkward, but you never want that heart-wrenching question tugging your mind every-now-and-then. But you know that you'll get over it, because you're better than that. I know you can do it. If anything, it's more than possible.

BUT ladies, I'm not here to tell you that you can do it. There are some of us who don't get over break-ups. There are some of us who are in denial. There are some of us who think that he's still secretly in love with us, and he knows it. Yes, there are people who live in destitution. It does sound scary, but when a girl falls in love, there are times when she's very reluctant let go. I want to tell you some of the extremes that girls go through to get their man back, though sometimes successful, it will totally scare the shit out of you and me.

STALKING. One of the many things tactics that girls do, when in denial. After a relationship, you know a lot about a guy: where he works, his favorite hangouts, maybe where his buddies live, his parents house, and of his humble abode (sometimes could count as his parents house). Now, the ex-boyfriend stalkers typically corner their former men in these specific places, sometimes scaring the shit out of them. Especially, when she's EVERYWHERE. There will be times when she makes things awkward, when she pulls small-talk. Or there are times, when she watches him from a distance. Sometimes, it's not obvious, because some girls, as crafty as they are, will bring their friends along (without them knowing of her intent). What's the logic, you say? Well look at this way, remember that cliche of a saying: distance makes the heart grow fonder? Well, girls think that maybe after a long time of not seeing someone, the guy will suddenly see her everywhere and maybe his old feelings will resurface...but in most cases (unless you're in a chick-flick), stunts like that won't bring them back.

LIES. LIES. LIES. (and more LIES.) Yes, making up insane stories about your current living conditions, is one of the many ways girls think they can get their guy back. It's a matter of telling them a heart-wrenching story about you, and hoping for the best. Some guys have gotten pregnancy scares, a death of a family member, becoming terminally ill with some incurable disease. Some are quite worse than the aforementioned...some girls tell the craziest shit, as if it was coming in from a movie. Hey, we're the pretty crafty sex, when it comes to story-telling. Again, what's the reason for their thinking? Come to think of it, the girl wants attention, she wants someone to care for her again. But they don't really think of the end results? What do I mean? I mean, when the truth comes out. What if your "deceased" mother appears at a family function? Or what if you're apparent "six months to live" is up and the guy wants an explanation? Telling a lie, is far worse than telling the truth. The more you prolong that, the more he will get hurt. And from then on, if something bad happens in your life, he won't ever believe you, even if it was true.

PRETENDING THAT THIS RELATIONSHIP ISN'T OVER. Apart from the lies, this one is the worst. Some girls make themselves believe that it still isn't over. To them, they're still in a relationship. And they tell everyone that they're still together. The guy doesn't have to be in her life, for this to work. He's just on a "break" from this relationship, and he will come back. It's all a matter of pretending that he's still in your life....even though, he actually isn't.

No matter how you cope with your break-up, we all feel the same way when that moment actually happens. Some girls take it easy, some girls...not so much. Just so you girls know, you've always got girlfriends to lend you a shoulder to cry on (just don't abuse it). I know, it sucks to be alone, when for the most part, you had someone by your side for so long. Everyone knows that there's got to be some point in time when you're going to get hurt, even without knowing it. Just enjoy what you had, and move on, even it takes baby steps. Just remember, when you're in denial, you're invading the guys privacy. He could be the biggest jerk of life or he could be having a hard time with the break up too. Just don't forget that you got to move on. Don't ever regret things, because they make you who you are today. Moving on, is easier said than done, but you're bound to find another guy who is willing to love you even more! And the first step to getting one? Moving on...

Much love, 

V 

Have Yourself Another Dream Tonight

I'm going to try something new. Instead of ranting, I would just like to address a few things through a letter. To whom? To the broken-hearted girl/guy. So here it goes....

To the Broken-Hearted,

 I know it's over, right? You felt like you were living life in full throttle and that there was no going downhill from there. Your whole existence was dedicated to living with this wonderful person you've found or had found you. And you know, being in love is the most wonderful feeling in the world. You feel invincible, like nothing is going to bring you down, because you found this amazing human being. In your world, the impossible just became the possible. You found your little piece of heaven in this world of chaos. You found the person that you could potentially spend the all of your life with. And all your friends are so jealous about this new-found happiness. They always tell you how lucky you are to have this person and to call them yours. You have the single people sneering at you, because they want the same thing, they want what you have and for some reason, in your mind, you seem to be the only person to have him/her. We live in this world where we constantly adjust our lifestyles to what people want us to have, but this individual fell in love with YOU and that's when your self-confidence boosts. This experience is so life-changing that you feel like a new person. 

And then it hits you...or you hit it. The brick wall in the relationship. The fork in the road. Where you must decide whether or not it's the right thing...you and that person. Your significant other could hit this path before you do. Here you are at one point in time, where you're dissecting this relationship...and you could either break through this wall and forget that you didn't even hit it...or you could just stop there. There, your version of paradise is over. Your world crashes. And the last thing you want to hear from that person that you told everything, that you gave your whole life to, is that they never loved you. Or it could be vice versa. You're numbed by the fact, that all this time was wasted. Sometimes you're in denial. Sure, the relationship didn't work out. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe it wasn't for you. Maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe it lacked the chemistry. Whatever it is, just know, cherish memories both good and bad. If you're in denial that it's over, you're living in this dream world where one day he's going to realize that he's missing out. It could be true. But he could've moved on already. For those assholes, who had no reason to break up with their significant other, who just did it for the sake of it...you just took that person for granted. People shouldn't be at your disposal, because once it happens to you, you'll realize how it feels to feel like shit.

Please make sure they don't come running back into your arms. Don't make it easy for them. Show them that the hell that they put you through made you a better person. I know that the tears, the temper tantrums, the random outbursts, the self-hate that person brought about after they ruined your life, were hard to forget. And even if you've survived your life without them,  there will be a point in time where you two will meet again. And there will be a point in time, where you'll question if it was right to put them aside. And there will be a point in time, where you want them back, where you go weak in the knees...where you want to go crawling back to them. What your after  is not actually them...it's that happiness that they put you through. But you know what I've learned? It's in the past and once a scar has appeared, it can never be erased. No matter how much anti-scarring ointment you put on it...it's still there.

Here's my theory, once you experience falling in love, then heartbreak, you always keep that memory of happiness and you spend the rest of your life trying to find the exact same thing. Well, I say break away. Keep the past in the past. Because once you find the next person, you'll experience happiness two times harder than before. So look forward to the future. It's going to be much happier. The next person is even more special than the last...he/she carried you out from all the sorrow you've experienced from your previous relationship. 

Or it could be a different scenario. It could turn out that this brick wall, is just one obstacle that you have to face in your relationship and that maybe it will take time to heal. Maybe it wasn't the right time for either of you. But if that's the case, there's no excuse for you to look forward to the future. 

I know it's going to be a hard first few months. But it's going to get better, if you believe that it will. 

Lots of Love, 

V 

*****Dedicated******To all my friends, readers, who have experienced heartbreak...you're not alone.

The Person Falling Here Is Me

Standards. We all have them. Both sides have different standards. And this is what I was talking about with Harvey yesterday. You are probably saying, this bitch hasn't even been on her blog for a long time and hasn't even given us anything since I don't know, June? And now she's telling us about standards? First off, I would like to apologize. Life has just happened, people. I'm not the best blogger in the world, I know! Lately, I've been working on finding myself. Sounds trivial, right? But I've just been living life without thinking of what to say, what kind of person I have to be. Because you know what I realized? If we all live in this magical world of pretending, we're never going to find that person that we want to end up with for the rest of our lives. We will find ourselves the person that the pretend you wanted, not the real you. And what's the point? You won't find happiness there. You will at first, but life-long happiness is very rare. It really is.

And here I am. Living life as me. Not someone from a chick-flick or some Jane Austen novel. I'm happy and Harvey is still here in my life. And yes, we were talking about standards. And no, we're still not together (I know, right). But you know what? I'm happy where I am, even though, I want this guy so bad, I'm afraid of losing this relationship that we have now if I tell him my true feelings for him. So what were these standards? Well to be honest, Harvey didn't talk about his standards, he just listened to mine. I was just saying that my standards are not high, but not low, mind you. I explained that chick flicks fuck up a girl's mind...even chick lit...I mean, who doesn't want Mr. Darcy? Because I do. But realistically, I know, we won't find Mr. Darcy, but we'll find someone close to it. Did you know what I really needed to say to him? My standard is you. You're perfect, in my way. You're my version of a Mr. Darcy or a Rochester. Actually, you're better than any of those guys there. But of course, the sad and proud person I am, I didn't say it. I really wanted to. It was killing me inside. So now I'm here blogging about it, but I honestly do miss this. Please my dear readers, keep reading. I'm not giving up on blogging, nor am I giving up on being a hopeless romantic and never on Harvey...please bare with me! I will write soon, promise. 

LOL, 

V

Marching On

"Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about." - Anonymous

Don't ever let that one person who broke your heart years ago stop you from pursuing someone you want to date. Don't punish yourself for something that wasn't your fault. If you keep up with that, reality is, you will find yourself alone. Just let go of the past, no matter how hard it is to forget, the only way to find a guy is to completely start anew. Don't compare your ex to the new guy in your life, that just means you haven't let go yet. Trust me, it won't help you at all. Wipe the slate clean, ladies!

Lots of love,

V

The Answer Is Blowin' In The Wind

"The bravest thing that men do is love women." - Mort Sahl

How many strikes does it take for a strike out? For all the avid baseball fans, three. But for the obsessive fans of jackasses, it takes more than three strikes to ditch the guy. And you know what? It pisses me off to see many girls go through that cycle of falling for a guy, who refuses to even love them back. The countless times, he comes into our minds, and sometimes, you wonder: does he ever think of me like that, the way I do? And chances are, he's not. As hurtful as it does sound, jackasses will always be jackasses. Just like bitches will always be bitches. It's sad to see, especially when it's happening to one of your fellow girl friends and though, advice has been given, she has not gone through with the plans of ditching him. It hurts me to see the struggle that she goes through and that you've done your job, so there's nothing else that you could do. You told her the truth, but it's totally up to her to act upon it.

It's not that guys don't realize that we like them. They know, they play with our hearts and our minds until we totally reject our friends' values and advice and we go with what we think we know. I'm not telling you guys are evil creatures and should be exterminated. Without guys, life wouldn't be much fun, would it? I mean, they make life thrilling. Girls do it to guys too! The problem is that when we fall for someone, we tend to forget everything around us. All the important people, things that we treasured before, all for this one person. Usually, it's rare, that this person is right for you. The right person, won't ever let this happen to you. If he loved you, then he would never take anything away from you that is important. Instead, he will put his full trust in what you do and what you love. But where do we find these people that won't hurt you?

You don't have to search far. The problem with girls these days is that we are looking for a person who is so surreal that we come to the point where they believe that this person is unattainable. But the reality is, that person could be standing in front of you. Waiting. Loving you for who you are. Remembering the little things you tell him. Simply making you smile. Lending a helping hand when you need it. And most importantly, ready to defend you at all times, making sure that no one will hurt you. They will always be there for you. But you tend to not see them in that sense, because you're busy lusting over someone else. Yes, it's lust, girlfriend. A one-sided relationship is simply just lust. And unfortunately, we take these people for granted. We fail to realize the valuable loyalty that they have for us and they, just like all those perfect guys, slowly disappear. Think about it, rejecting a guy for being all that, could make him a jackass to all those other girls, because you didn't pay attention to him. So maybe, jackasses have a reason (not all of them, though) to be a jackass.

My advice: Pay attention to yourself first. Love yourself. Be confident. Then your eyes will open to the one you want. Because if you don't respect yourself, first, then the person won't respect you back. I'm sure you all are wonderful people and deserve the best. Don't lose hope. The right person is in front of you, begging for the moment for you to realize the truth. The right person is not the person who is willing to give you the world to please you, they are the ones who will just hold your hand through thick and thin or who will just smile at you, to tell you that they are there for you and only you. Just one small thing, will become a lifetime of happiness.

To All the Perfect Men All Over The World: Don't be afraid, we won't bite. Don't be shy, please. Go get her, tiger! Don't take rejection as a blow to your self-esteem, take it to find confidence.

Lots of Love,

V

P.s. Again, I'm sorry for the long wait. More to come, I promise. My blogging days are not numbered!

Hellooo There

NEW POST?! No! I am currently writing a blog post, but have been so busy/exhausted with work (and life) that it has been physically impossible! Please keep calm, my blogging career is not OVER, I assure, it's been stalled, and I've already got people upset...I know, I'm a shame to this blogging world. Again, please continue to email me! I would love to hear your feedback and stories...even if it's for some personal advice. Again my email address is askmevie@gmail.com

You will definitely hear from me soon!

LOTS OF LOVEEE,
V

For the Sake of Humanity, Get a Room

Caresses, expressions of one sort or another, are necessary to the life of the affections as leaves are to the life of the affections are to the life of a tree. If they are wholly restrained, love will die at the roots. ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

Yes Mr. Hawthorne, that may be true. Caresses, they feel good, but does it look pleasing to the eye from a third party's perspective? What I'm talking about here isn't just a spontaneous caressing session here...I'm talking about full out caressing--not caressing, just any type of PDA, as a matter of fact.

Today, while I was waiting for the bus (why do interesting things happen on the bus?) and a couple caught my eye. They were pecking at each other as if the guy was leaving for the army and she was staying home with the family. And I was like, "Aw isn't that sweet?" Where was my anger, you say? I thought you were hating on the PDA. Yeah, but PDA ain't that bad, it's good here and there, but not everywhere you go. I'm not talking about holding hands, I'm talking about kissing (not even making out), yes, just kissing. So, as I was saying, couple kissing as if it was the end of the world. I thought it was cute, because they were inseparable, and I wished I had that with someone. BUT then it happened, as I boarded the bus, so did they, yes I said they. No it wasn't just one, it was both. And I was like WTF? Are you kidding me? It was cute, but then it started getting nasty. And of course, they had to sit in front of me, so I could share their moments of love. And boy, did I just die. It was honestly, twenty minutes of sucking face for them and throwing up in my mouth. I looked around if I wasn't the only one barfing and I just felt bad for the girl sitting beside them, innocently listening to her iPod. Luckily, the girl (not the one listening to the iPod) took out an unfinished crossword puzzle and the guy was just looking out the window. But, that didn't work out either, as the girl got stuck on a clue. And of course, they went at it again, pecking at each other. Like just randomly, they would do it. It was just weird to look at it. After they asked each other questions or after she texted someone. They just gave each other that look and just kissed each other. Sounds cute, right? But to me, it just looked like some form of turrets-inspired pecking sessions.

Public Display of Affection. It's everywhere. Wherever you are there's a couple holding hands, doing their thing. And I'm fine with that. I'm totally fine with the subtle, simplistic things that couples do, that's what I like. And the occasional pecking on the cheek or on the lips, but not every second. Wouldn't you just get tired of it? Every second and every minute, there's someone breathing and slobbering all over you, it's making me cringe, as we speak. Isn't it better to expect the unexpected? Like getting a kiss out of the blue or as you walk, he suddenly grasps your hand and you just look at each other and smile. Isn't that better? Love, like public display of affection, should come unexpectedly, it should just happen naturally. It shouldn't become a ritual or else it becomes less special. And plus, it's not fun for other people to look at. Good thing, there weren't children around. So, if you're thinking of PDAing with your special someone, don't think, just let it happen...or get a room.

Lots of Love,

V The World

Your Turn!

Prior all of this Harvey shinnanigans, I wanted people to email me what kinds of situations you are going through and maybe give you guys advice. I'm here to lend you a helping hand or give you feedback. Just email me at askmevie@gmail.com and I'll post your questions or maybe your love stories on my blog. Show me some love!

Lots of Love,

V

How Can I Love You, If You Don't Talk to Me?

"I had this guy leave me a voice mail at work so I called him at home and then he e-mailed me to my Blackberry and so I texted to his cell and then he e-mailed me to my home account and the whole thing just got out of control. And I miss the days when you had one phone number and one answering machine and that one answering machine has one cassette tape and that one cassette tape either had a message from a guy or it didn't. And now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies. It's exhausting."

~Mary, He's Just Not That Into You

I know, it's typical of me to put up a quote from a chick-flick that is my life-story, but hey, I only write about things that are true. It is easy to contact people these days, with all those social networking tools. With the press of the "Add" button, you could easily add the guy you kinda know , but you kinda don't. Or with the press of the "Send" button, you could send the guy a prospective chill session. And while we're dying in the corner waiting for him to respond, we justify his ignorance on our requests. Whatever happened to face-to-face interaction? Well, the most obvious reason is that it leads to shit-your-pants-situations definite answers, rather than justifying on why he never responded to that BBM you sent or the friend request that has been pending for months days. We name countless possibilities on why he hasn't responded. Maybe he was kidnapped and taken hostage. Maybe he fell into a hole into this new universe. Sometimes you wish that maybe you hadn't sent it at all. Or sometimes you actually wish that YOU fell into a hole and disappeared from the humiliation. It takes confidence to social network with others, but you know what's even scarier? Face-to-face interaction.

He's right there and you're talking to him. You're looking into his eyes, then to his sexy mouth, wishing that you could kiss them. You're asking him questions and he fires the answers. That's what you get, you get the answers to the questions, right away. Without dying in a corner or wishing that you fell from the face of the earth. And the more you talk to each other, the easier it will be to message him or add him on Facebook. This is probably why, talking to a guy in person is so much harder, than messaging him. However, there are some guys/girls who gain confidence behind the screen. Sometimes, you wonder, are they legit like that in person? He could tell you the utmost sweetest thing, but what's missing? His eyes, telling you the truth. Someone once said that the eyes are the key to the soul and they're the only way to know whether or not a person is telling the truth. Behind the screen you can't see...with the exception of Skype (ok, you got me), but still!

Face-to-face interaction is one of the best ways to communicate with a guy. Just seeing him and talking to him, makes you like (or hate) him more. You know if he's actually smiling/laughing rather than just LOLing or just LMFAOing. And you're not falling for the guy behind the screen, you're falling for the guy in front of you and for having the confidence to talk to you face-to-face. For my fellow readers out there, kudos to you to those who do it. I need to do it more often!

Lots of Love,

V

P.S. Sorry for the slacking, I've been busy!