No Regrets, Just Love

 "The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

When you experience death of a loved one for the first time, you realize that our time here on earth is limited, that we have to make the best of it, and that we need to cherish those around us. I know that this blog is all about relationships, but familial relationships are just important as the ones we look for in a significant other. 

My Great Aunt was a person who loved others, especially her family, more than she had loved herself. She was generous, kind, and always had a smile on her face. Her laugh was infectious. Her perspective of life was something that I had always tried to live by. She enjoyed life in each moment. She would fight sadness and life's curveballs with laughter. For such a happy person, we didn't realize that deep inside she was troubled. She bottled up her emotions and opinions of certain issues. She kept it from everyone, even her own children. That's why her health dwindled and we were all surprised that someone like her could die at such a young age.

Despite the emotional roller coaster that I've been on these past couple of days, I know that she's in a better place with nothing to worry about. Her happiness, her love, and her infinite passion for life will live on through the people that she was fortunate to meet. 

As individuals, we learn from every person that we encounter, whether or not they are good or bad. And no matter how short of a relationship we have with each other, whether it be mere seconds, a minute, a day, a decade, we'll always have something to learn. Our hearts are made up of different pieces, different encounters, and we should cherish each, even if they're gone. 

Rest in Peace to my dear great aunt. I love you so much. I know you'll be there, watching over all of us. 

Lots of Love, 
V 

Friends are Forever

 “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow.”
― Alice Walker

Have you ever felt like your friendships depended on whether or not either of you have a guy in your lives? Do you feel like you're the only one who's working on this relationship and the other person isn't? 

As a blogger on relationships, I don't mind including familial relations and platonic ones in my writing. Honestly, our life is one huge web of relationships and no matter who we hide from, we're all connected in this big circle called life.

Now, on the topic of friendship...What is it that make friends stick together like two peas in a pod? Life. Life is the glue that sticks us together. To depend on each other is a human condition. But if you're hanging out with the people who nod their heads in agreement to every fact and opinion of your life--maybe it's time to move on. People who feed on your advice for the hell of it and not even worry about your life -- I mean, if they don't take it seriously, that will affect you in the long run. 

You see, as I said, life is the glue that sticks us all together. No matter what situation you're in, your friends are supposed to be there. Man or no man in your life, your friendship should last. If not, then there's a problem. What we've got here is a condition that people call, "We're two peas in a pod, only if there's a guy in the equation." And honestly, it raises a red flag on your friendship. If you, as friends, depend on each other only if there's some juicy details about your love life, I wouldn't consider it as a friendship. It would be more like an acquaintance.

It's sad, you know. You get out of high school, believing that every single person you take a picture with on your graduation day will stay in your lives. Sometimes, you let go of the good friendships for a toxic one. And you live your life regretting the people you decided to keep and the people you decided to let go. Sometimes, we ditch the people who actually care for us for the "yes" people. The people who praise you, who tell you that you're their besties, but who hide when you need someone to defend you. Relationships will come and go, but friends are forever. 

And you need to find those friends that are forever. Not the ones who keep in touch with you when there's a guy around. Not the ones who tell you what to do, to think, and to feel. Not the ones who make you choose who you're allowed to hang around with. Not the ones who can't last a conversation without talking about a guy. Not the ones who worship you, but in a second, are ashamed of you. It's the people who don't have to hang out with you every day, but feel like it when you get together again. It's the people who love you for you and accept the people around you. It shouldn't be one thing that sticks you two together. It should be life. 

Whether or not you're in these situations, you need to think about yourself sometimes. You need to be selfish, never selfless. 

You need to let yourself grow. And you need to let go. 

Trust me, when you get to a point in your life when you're surrounded by people who only care about you when there's no guy in their lives -- sometimes you just want to give up on your faith in humanity. But there's hope--it's never too late to make friends. It's never too late to make a friendship last forever. You have a lifetime. 
 
Lots of love, 
 V 

Love Never Dies

Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of witherings, of tarnishings.
― Anaïs Nin

Hello Readers, I'm back! It's been a long time since I've gone on this blog. I've experienced so many things in my life that made me think about what the purpose is for this blog. How is it that I can always come back and open up to you all about my trials and triumphs? Well, today I've come back with a new insight. 

Lately, I've become so cynical about love. It's gotten me frightened to no end, because like life, it's very complicated. Sometimes, you got to hate love for making you do the stupid things you do. Sometimes, we don't realize that the love we're desiring for isn't found in a significant other or a prospective one. We can find it in family, and if we can't find love in the most simplest avenues of our lives, it'll be harder for us to find the love that we deserve. 

Love is found everywhere, especially in family. No matter what life throws at you, they'll back you up and will love you for who you are. If you don't accept the love of your family, whether be it friends, colleagues, or classmates, you won't be able to find that particular type of love in another person, because you'll be blind to it. 

Was your heart broken recently? Do you find that you can't find anyone else as good as that guy? Did you think he's the one? Listen carefully, there's someone else out there. He may or may not come back. There's endless possibilities to this scenario. But one thing's for certain -- don't take for granted the support the system you have. There, you will find people who care about you, who listen to every word (even if they're sick and tired of hearing it), who will make you smile when you think that no one can make you, and who will love you for you. These people, my dear readers, are the people that we all take for granted. Love will always be around you. Love will only die if you are blind to the people who show you their love for you. You will heal. You will find someone new, maybe someone from your past, but you will not get through without these people. Family, whether or not they're related to you, is love.

 Love is like the legendary phoenix. Amidst the ashes, there's hope...but that's only if you see it that way. Don't let it die, just find it elsewhere. This will allow you to heal, to grow, to make you stronger. 

You'll get there, my loves. Take care always.

Lots of Love, 
V 

MY LOVE AND PRAYERS GO OUT TO THOSE AFFECTED IN BOSTON AND TEXAS.

The Story of Love and Defeat

"One day, in your search for happiness, you discover a partner by your side, and you realize that your happiness has come to help you search." -Robert Brault

He's getting married -- why am I not excited to see him walk down the aisle and exchange vows to a woman he loves? That's the thing, I'm not sure he loves her. If he did, why didn't he tell me? I'm his best friend, his little sister, his confidante...I didn't need to ask him if it was true, she shook her ringed finger in front of my face, as if she was trying to say, Try Me.

Why do two people get married? When I was a kid, I thought it was a requirement, something to check off on your bucket list. As I grew up though, I realized that it was more than that. I believe that marriage is a diamond in the rough -- something that is worth finding, but hard to find -- and when you have it takes a lot of TLC to make it shine. Then it happened, I met her. I saw how she manipulated me into thinking that they were in love, that she cared for him, that she was the one for him. She took me out. She included me in their daily shinnanigans. I thought she loved me too, just like he did. But she didn't. She took him away from me. Our relationship that I thought was unbreakable, dwindled quickly. First, she needed money for this, then that, then they bought a house. I was so proud. I was still stuck in this fantasy that as long as he was happy, he was going to be OK. It's been a couple of months since I haven't seen him. Usually, we'd talk. Usually, we'd bond. But we don't anymore.

Marriage is something that some women prepare a lifetime for, others do it out of spontaneity -- maybe she got drunk with Johnny one night and married to him by tomorrow. For some women, it's a path to gain something -- reputation, money -- but for some, what they gain is quite simple -- they gain another one to take care of, to love, a hand to hold, a body to cuddle with. That's the word that I was looking for to describe the perfect marriage: Simple. But if you think that buying them their love, appeasing to every command they make, having something that's one sided isn't what marriage is. Having something you want and not what we want is being single.

My key advice to you ladies/gentlemen, don't think about what you'll gain, what you'll lose -- think about the amazing life that you both have ahead. If you feel that you're not sure, no one is ever sure, but it takes a lot to say, "I do." My grandparents met by accident and have lasted for fifty years. But remember, they need to love you back. You need to be realistic. You need to be selfish -- you need to make sure they're not mistreating you. Even if on the day of you're nervous the best indicator is to look into his/her eyes before you become man and wife -- and determine if those are the eyes you want to look into for the rest of your life. Don't think that marriage is a requirement for you to have a successful life-- success, financial gain, are not the prerequisites to marriage. Keep it simple, keep it real. LOVE.


Lots of Love,
V

I Give You A Year

Happy New Year to my beloved readers, to whomever you are out there! I hope that your New Year is filled with joy, happiness, and love, whether be it from an old flame or a new one. 

2012 was a time of misconception and misunderstanding. It was also filled with great skepticism and the unknown. No one exactly knew whether or not the world was going to end, but one thing for sure was that it taught me something. The skepticism that I faced last year, whether or not I didn't believe in the apocalypse, led me to appreciate the little things. I wasn't out finding someone who would love me before the world would hypothetically end, but at the time, I was completely happy being single and spending time with friends and family. I just wanted to bask in the moment, as opposed for looking for the prospective ones. We can't plan ahead and continue our searching as if we're running out of time, because it would seem like we're forcing something out of nothing. 

People are impatient. They want to believe that love will happen when you're searching, but it doesn't. I know many of these types of people, and those who are in relationships now share a different story. They came to an understanding that love just doesn't happen when you're carefully planning each moment, each step...it happens when you're totally unaware. Confidence is the key to finding a guy, but not just any guy, the good guy. You can get guys anywhere, but it's the good ones that are worth the wait. It's not just waiting, ladies. You don't just wait for someone to land on your doorstep. You don't just go out there and look. Put yourself out there and just enjoy the pleasures of life. How is he going to find you? How are you going to find him? If all you do is sulk at home, worrying about the way you look, or maybe how you're supposed to look...Good luck finding him. He's not going to come to you, unless you bring yourself out...enjoy some food and drinks with your friends. Don't look around for the stolen glance, don't look at your phone to see if the prospective one texts you back, don't preoccupy yourself with how many trips to the gym the food will take to burn...just enjoy the time that you are having with the people who care about you. When you think yourself as not good enough for a guy, don't ever forget that he may not be good enough for you. 

Women keep thinking about their appearances and how being stick thin will attract only the best. In "best" what do you mean? The "best" looks or the "best" personality? The guy who will love you will be the "best" when he accepts the real you. Let it be about YOU this year. It was never about him...it's about you. And if you don't have faith in yourself...don't expect a guy who has faith in himself either. I'm asking you to give 2013 a chance for YOU. Just do what you feel like doing.

The thing women have yet to learn is nobody gives you power.  You just take it.  ~Roseanne Barr

Lots of Love, 
Miss V 

Self-Love is the Best Kind of Love

Don't forget to fall in love with yourself first - Carrie Bradshaw 

I'm alone. I look around at the Christmas decorations surrounding me at the malls. What's worse? Me seeing the couples walking around with a cup of hot chocolate and holding hands. They're smiling -- I'm not. I feel awful. Of course I long for the warm embraces, the PDA, and those three addicting words..."I love you." I wish one day that I could be one of those couples in the mall, and I know that I will (just not now).

Honestly, Christmas is the saddest season for singles. However, as much as I feel the same way, I've come to learn to not give a shit anymore. It's not because I'm angry and bitter, but it's just the fact that I need to start being happy for myself. My loves, we're chasing after this dream, this feeling, but we can't get it if we're not happy. For all the times we are mourning for our singledom, we could be enjoying our lives. Happiness is a key into finding love. If we're miserable, guys will not see us as prospective mates, why? Who the well wants to be with a bitter bitch? I certainly don't and I'm sure no one else does either. We need to enjoy the things we do. Join a book club. Maybe go to a pottery class (don't expect a Patrick Swayze/Demi Moore moment to arise from this). Take a walk. Eat at a restaurant by yourselves. If we don't enjoy ourselves, then we're not going to go far. 

Why do we do the things we do? We're looking for that lost gaze. We're looking for that smile across the room. We're looking for him. But it's just going to drive us insane. Trust me, I've been there. People think that if you stop looking for him, he'll surely come to you...and I agree with that. I believe it. Why? We're busy loving ourselves. Enjoying our lives as a single person shows a lot of confidence. And confidence attracts the right guy, because it shows that they're not looking for a one night stand, an exotic beauty, a temporary love -- they're looking for a girl that can stand strong as an independent. We rely on so much on fate and destiny, that we forget that we have a choice. Ladies, gentlemen --whoever you are--enjoy yourself, love yourself, be yourself. You're going to be married for fifty years and maybe more. But when you look back at your singledom crying, hating on the lovers, desperate, confused -- and no happy thoughts...yes, you've come to your senses. You really didn't enjoy yourself, while your man didn't put a ring on it. Once you have kids or a family to manage, you're going to wish to have your independence back. But you can't get it back, because you have responsibilities. If you've enjoyed yourself as much as you had when you were single, you wouldn't be living a life of regret. I'm not saying that marriage becomes a boring institution when it happens, but that in itself, is another journey. But you can't honestly get that if you were not happier before. If you're going to rely on a guy for happiness and pleasure, let me ask you, what will happen if he's gone? What will happen if he decides to leave you? You can't stand alone -- you'll be miserable. But if you were comfortable with being alone before, it might be a different story. Who knows? 

Happiness does not start with a man/woman. Happiness starts with you. Don't you EVER EVER forget. So this Christmas, I ask you just ENJOY yourselves.

I'm not going to make any promises on blogging, I know I'm not a very good blogger! I'm so sorry. 

Lots of Love, 

V

The Life and Woes of a Single Woman

"Emancipation of women has made them lose their mystery." ~ Grace Kelly

What would women do if there was no such thing as men? Would women's lives without men make it easier than what we go through now? Asking myself these questions, I begin to wonder whether or not living without men is possible. I mean we wouldn't be fighting over them, we wouldn't need to die in the corner just waiting for him to call or text back, or maybe we wouldn't have to worry about getting married or having kids. We could focus on anything that we want, instead of reminding ourselves about what Tim did with this other girl. No, we would just be ourselves. Sounds like a better world, right? 

But ladies, we shouldn't be wishing for a world just full of women. We don't need to get rid of men, because they cause us all this havoc. Sometimes, it's our faults. For the past few weeks, I've been struggling with just about everything. Confusion has become my best friend. Only yesterday was when I saw the truth. I've been talking to a lot of girlfriends recently and all of them are amazing. It's just that sometimes, I find that some of my friendships have been based on guys and how we struggle without them. Being single is a nightmare. And for sure it is, but how can we enjoy our lives when there's someone who's weighing us down...whether or not he/she is actually dating us? We've become consumed with the fact that our life's goal is a Hollywood-founded dream: to get a guy and live with him forever. Our lives revolve around trying to find "The One," when "The One" could be just waiting for something interesting to happen to us. 

When we say that our lives are boring, we actually mean to say: "I'm so alone and no one wants me. Could you help me find someone that I could do everything with?" It just bothers me so much, because what happened to the women in the past rooting for independence and dying for a ballot in the box? What happened to the women who were inspired how other women expressed themselves through words, and not just how they dress? Those women are still out there, but we don't pay attention to those people. They're lives are not interesting enough anymore. I mean people pay more attention to woman who can find fame through sex or through showing her body and not the woman who rose to fame with her intelligence. It's not supposed to be like that, but it is. And to each their own, but I just want to let you ladies know that life is something that we're given. No matter what religion you follow, it's about living life. And how can we do that if it's only based on whether or not this guy asked you out, or what not? It's great, but the thing is...what the hell will you be talking about once you're in a relationship with him? How interesting your life is? Enough said. 

My advice: Live life as interestingly as possible, whether you enjoy riding a bike. Or maybe drawing or even people watching. Life, in all respects, brings you unexpected possibilities when you're not looking. Don't focus on finding someone, focus on yourself first. Trust yourself. Be yourself. Enjoy yourself. A thirty year old friend once said to me, "Once you're thirty and married, you're going to be begging for your singularity back." Freedom is what we wanted and in some parts of the world, that's what we got. Now ladies, embrace being single, once in a while. Because when we don't have it, we're going to want it back. But if we lived a happy life of singledom, we'd be willing enough to live with a significant other. 

Lots of Love, 

V